One Liner Wednesday: It’s TV!

“It’s TV!”

Old TV Show

Natasha and I say this to each other quite often. It usually comes when we’re watching Star Trek or a number of other shows we like, and the characters either do something questionable or the writing doesn’t make sense. I’ll give you a few scenarious:

Scenario #1: Have you ever watched an old western, or a more recent crime-fighting show, where the handguns shoot all day and never seem to be in need of a re-load? It’s especially interesting when there’s a six-shooter involved. Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! …Bang! Bang! Bang! That must be a magic bullet-replicator gun or the bullets just fall out of the air and into the gun for cowboys and police on the go.

“It’s TV!”

Scenario #2: The main character and a woman are stabbed in the back and bound with duct tape by a female serial killer. While laying on the floor of her kitchen, she hits the main character in the head with a wood meat mallet and knocks him out. He eventually comes to, but only for him and the woman to be delivered to two more serial killers, who take them to the ocean and throw them into a hole in the rocks that leads to what is supposed to be their watery grave. Oh, but first, one of the two serial killers whacks the main character in the head with a gun on the way to the watery grave.

Are you following me so far?

Anyhow, the main character and woman are in their watery grave, but manage to not pass out and find air because the tide hasn’t come in yet. The woman has a fear of water, so is freaking out on top of everything else. The main character goes swimming under water (I can only image what that motion felt like to the hole in his back and the pain in his head) to find a way out and comes back with a long water-plant vine that he ties to himself and the woman. Said main character then proceeds to climb out of the hole in the rocks and then pulls the woman out with the strength of the vine and his aching back. Meanwhile the troops arrive, kill the serial killers and are happy to see the main character and woman walking toward them. One of the detectives ask, “Are you okay?” to which the main character nods his head in the affirmative direction.

Really? Both the main character and the woman must have ate their Wheaties that morning. I would have been either dead or in the hospital in a coma.

But, “it’s TV!”

Scenario #3: This isn’t so much a scenario as an observation. I am a HUGE fan of NCIS, as many of you may know. Almost every Tuesday, someone either in or retired from the Navy is found dead in the beginning of the show. NCIS is in its 14th season. On average, there are 24 episodes per season. Someone is murdered once a week from September to May. So, let’s do some math:

24 episodes x 14 seasons = 336 murders of naval people since the show started in September of 2003. This does not include the deaths of ordinary citizens and recurring characters on the show each season.

I don’t know about you, but with those statistics, I don’t think I’d want to be a naval officer of any kind in Washington, D.C. I’m not sure I’d want to live in Washington, D.C.

Then again, “It’s TV!”

Scenario #4: Getting back to Star Trek, Natasha and I have noticed a couple of “issues” with what we might call unsafe behavior by the crew.

It’s okay to have a light wrapped around your wrist to illuminate a way through the dark so as not to trip or fall into a crevice on an unfamiliar planet. However, when Federation officers enter a dark cargo bay, in search of a dangerous alien, don’t you think that bright, shiny light makes them a target? Shouldn’t they leave the lights back at the armory? Or at least leave them turned off until they pinpoint the location of the alien, then quickly turn on the lights to pinpoint their phaser fire, making sure it’s on “stun” because they never really want to kill aliens.

Why does the Captain of the ship invoke the Prime Directive (non interference with alien species) in some cases, but then turns around and invites the next species they meet onto the ship, giving them a tour of restricted areas and telling them about the ship’s systems in detail? The Captain might as well say, “Here, let me tell you all about our ship so that you can either take it over, destroy it, or steal our warp core!” It’s as bad or worse than sending all of your senior officers on a dangerous away mission and leaving an ensign in charge of a large star ship and its crew. I don’t get it, but Natasha says…

“It’s TV!”

It would be easy for me to continue with the questionable scenarios, but Linda G. Hill is probably, at this moment, taking issue with post wordiness – there are rules, you know, to One-Liner Wednesday. (I may have incurred a penalty.) Besides, I bet you have your own TV scenarios that seem a bit ridiculous or “off” or worthy of a head scratch and a chuckle. It might even be a scenario crazy enough for you to comment about in your best “it’s TV!” voice.