One Liner Wednesday: It’s TV!

“It’s TV!”
Old TV Show
Old TV Show

Natasha and I say this to each other quite often. It usually comes when we’re watching Star Trek or a number of other shows we like, and the characters either do something questionable or the writing doesn’t make sense. I’ll give you a few scenarious:

Scenario #1: Have you ever watched an old western, or a more recent crime-fighting show, where the handguns shoot all day and never seem to be in need of a re-load? It’s especially interesting when there’s a six-shooter involved. Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! …Bang! Bang! Bang! That must be a magic bullet-replicator gun or the bullets just fall out of the air and into the gun for cowboys and police on the go.

“It’s TV!”

Scenario #2: The main character and a woman are stabbed in the back and bound with duct tape by a female serial killer. While laying on the floor of her kitchen, she hits the main character in the head with a wood meat mallet and knocks him out. He eventually comes to, but only for him and the woman to be delivered to two more serial killers, who take them to the ocean and throw them into a hole in the rocks that leads to what is supposed to be their watery grave. Oh, but first, one of the two serial killers whacks the main character in the head with a gun on the way to the watery grave.

Are you following me so far?

Anyhow, the main character and woman are in their watery grave, but manage to not pass out and find air because the tide hasn’t come in yet. The woman has a fear of water, so is freaking out on top of everything else. The main character goes swimming under water (I can only image what that motion felt like to the hole in his back and the pain in his head) to find a way out and comes back with a long water-plant vine that he ties to himself and the woman. Said main character then proceeds to climb out of the hole in the rocks and then pulls the woman out with the strength of the vine and his aching back. Meanwhile the troops arrive, kill the serial killers and are happy to see the main character and woman walking toward them. One of the detectives ask, “Are you okay?” to which the main character nods his head in the affirmative direction.

Really? Both the main character and the woman must have ate their Wheaties that morning. I would have been either dead or in the hospital in a coma.

But, “it’s TV!”

its-tv2Scenario #3: This isn’t so much a scenario as an observation. I am a HUGE fan of NCIS, as many of you may know. Almost every Tuesday, someone either in or retired from the Navy is found dead in the beginning of the show. NCIS is in its 14th season. On average, there are 24 episodes per season. Someone is murdered once a week from September to May. So, let’s do some math:

24 episodes x 14 seasons = 336 murders of naval people since the show started in September of 2003. This does not include the deaths of ordinary citizens and recurring characters on the show each season.

I don’t know about you, but with those statistics, I don’t think I’d want to be a naval officer of any kind in Washington, D.C. I’m not sure I’d want to live in Washington, D.C.

Then again, “It’s TV!”

Scenario #4: Getting back to Star Trek, Natasha and I have noticed a couple of “issues” with what we might call unsafe behavior by the crew.

It’s okay to have a light wrapped around your wrist to illuminate a way through the dark so as not to trip or fall into a crevice on an unfamiliar planet. However, when Federation officers enter a dark cargo bay, in search of a dangerous alien, don’t you think that bright, shiny light makes them a target? Shouldn’t they leave the lights back at the armory? Or at least leave them turned off until they pinpoint the location of the alien, then quickly turn on the lights to pinpoint their phaser fire, making sure it’s on “stun” because they never really want to kill aliens.

its-tv3Why does the Captain of the ship invoke the Prime Directive (non interference with alien species) in some cases, but then turns around and invites the next species they meet onto the ship, giving them a tour of restricted areas and telling them about the ship’s systems in detail? The Captain might as well say, “Here, let me tell you all about our ship so that you can either take it over, destroy it, or steal our warp core!” It’s as bad or worse than sending all of your senior officers on a dangerous away mission and leaving an ensign in charge of a large star ship and its crew. I don’t get it, but Natasha says…

“It’s TV!”

It would be easy for me to continue with the questionable scenarios, but Linda G. Hill is probably, at this moment, taking issue with post wordiness – there are rules, you know, to One-Liner Wednesday. (I may have incurred a penalty.) Besides, I bet you have your own TV scenarios that seem a bit ridiculous or “off” or worthy of a head scratch and a chuckle. It might even be a scenario crazy enough for you to comment about in your best “it’s TV!” voice.

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38 responses to One Liner Wednesday: It’s TV!

  1. Yes, it does make you chuckle when the handguns keep firing and also no one hits anything or anyone. I watched that Hawaii Five-0 episode and wondered how we were to believe that a butcher knife was stuck half way into a back and did no damage. I could ‘kind of’ imagine a former Navy seal being able to come up with a way out of the water but not that there was no issue with being stabbed in the back. Oh well, ‘grab your gear’ because there is a new NCIS episode, and I’ll be watching. 🙂

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Yeah, that’s the other funny thing about people shooting guns – most often, they can’t hit the broad side of a barn. It’s especially noteworthy when it comes from a police officer or Navy seal, who should be experts at hitting a target.

      Don’t tell me what happened on last night’s NCIS…I missed it!

  2. LOL. Lots. I have to say this to The Husband all the time when he questions a questionable plot tactic. Given our viewing diet mostly includes such shows as Doctor Who, Arrow, The Flash and Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., it’s not exactly reality…. Helloooooo.

    Re Scenario #3: And don’t go and live in Midsummer for the same reason.

    Re Scenario #4: Why do young people insist on walking into a dark creepy house? Seriously. Bad things are going to happen. It’s a given.

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Make sure your husband is not an alien. That could be why he’s taking the science fiction shows so seriously.

      In the meantime, I’m going to escape the monsters by walking into the gardener’s shed in the middle of the cemetery…you know, the one with all of the chainsaws hanging from the ceiling. Probably best to go at night too.

  3. Dan Antion says:

    And why was agent Scully (x-files) always wearing heels as they chased aliens through corn fields and into dark barns with secret basements.

    I was going to subtract bonus points for making us math this early, but then you returned to Star Trek, and earned them back.

    Having the original series away teams consist of the bridge crew, chief engineer and chief medical officer was always an “it’s tv” moment 😉

    • bikerchick57 says:

      LOL…I forgot about the early morning math issue. Oops!

      That’s funny about the high heels. I’ve noticed several female TV characters try to run and leap obstacles in them. They may have fashion sense, but definitely lacking in common sense.

      • Dan Antion says:

        I always wonder about the detectives who go through all manner of obstacles, woods, dirt lots and fight with lots of folks but still look fine. I think you may have inspired a future post 🙂

      • bikerchick57 says:

        Another good one! Natasha and I always laugh how Janeway’s bun always stayed intact no matter what. And if it did come undone, it was magically put back together two seconds later. Yes, please do a future post on this. I would love it.

      • Dan Antion says:

        I’m trying to tal my daughter into a variation on this theme. Janeway was a little too unflappable. I think Picard was the best Captain for getting angry. Not often, but you knew it.

  4. loisajay says:

    I love this! My husband (a retired computer geek) rolls his eyes at the rapid speed with which (fill in the blank with your fave TV show) is able to pull up data on an always huge screen. Wow, they’re good! Yeah, but…..It’s TV!! Good one, Mary.

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Does your husband go…”wait a minute, they can’t do that with a computer!” I often wonder about that on NCIS. It seems the Agents can hack into anything, at any time, within minutes. Yet, no one can figure out a way to make a fool proof stapler. Go figure.

  5. Joanne Sisco says:

    You’ve just described a typical evening of watching TV with Gilles. I’m guaranteed at least one rant. Last night it was 3 separate rants!! … and omg, if time travel is involved ….!!!! Gilles simply doesn’t do make-believe very well.

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Gilles is a realist in his own time. I take it he doesn’t watch Dr. Who? I think we have to remember that TV is similar to Santa and the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy…we just have to BELIEVE!

      • Joanne Sisco says:

        He watched less than 5 minutes of Dr Who and declared it – and I quote – stupid.

        Speaking of stupid – Netflix in Canada has removed Dr Who!!! … and I wasn’t finished watching it!!!

      • bikerchick57 says:

        But “stupid” is what makes Dr. Who so much fun! I haven’t watched Dr. Who in a long time…had a difficult time warming up to the latest version at first and now I don’t have BBC America to keep current. I’ll have to check out Netflix U.S. and see if it’s there. They may have also removed it.

      • bikerchick57 says:

        Ha! The current Dr. Who series (since David Tennant) has been pretty good, but the days of Tom Baker were pretty hokey. I kind of mumbled “stupid” once or twice while I watched the show, but he turned out to be one of my favorite Doctors.

      • Joanne Sisco says:

        I was only into the first couple of episodes post-Tennant. I had soooo much more to watch!!! 😦

  6. LindaGHill says:

    Haha! This is great. 😀 My favourite “It’s TV” moments are when a car gets in an accident and is either still driveable when it shouldn’t be, or hasn’t a scratch in the next scene. “Dukes of Hazard” was famous for that!

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Oh yes, the “I’ll jump my car over another one, hit a fruit stand, drive over nails and there’s nothing wrong with my car” scenario. I often wondered how many versions of the General Lee they had to use over the course of the series. Yeeee-ha!

  7. joey says:

    Oh yes. Well, yes, it’s tv. I’m the person shouting IT’S TV! when The Mister is telling me the uniforms are wrong or the gun’s outta bullets.
    I realize you’re a big fan of the NCIS, and I am not. It’s not that I don’t like the show, but The Mister and Moo record every single NCIS of everywhere and my dvr reads like NCIS ONLY at times and let me tell you, it feels like 300 murders a week up in here!

    • bikerchick57 says:

      LOL! When I still had a DVR, I recorded every single show of the season (so I could rewatch through the summer) and watched NCIS marathons on the USA channel on the weekends. There were plenty of murders in Wisconsin too and, yes, I’m a little nutty about the show.

      • joey says:

        Oh my word.
        I meant, with the murders, NCIS of LA, NCIS of Cajun, NCIS of DC — triple the naval murders on my tv. Honestly, is there another one? I feel like I’m missing one…

  8. John Holton says:

    The one that always got me was “CSI: Miami,” with the female CSI’s running around in tight tops, white pants, and high heels.

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Sounds like a cross between CSI and Baywatch to some degree. TV tends to do this stereotypical thing with female leads…let’s make her sexy no matter what! It makes me chuckle and shake my head at the same time. And, yeah, it might make me a little jealous that they look so good in a tight top, white pants and heels.

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