Hey Gibbs, what do you think it’s like to be a dog?
Gross.
Really? That’s your answer?
Yes. Dogs are gross and they live gross lives.
Why do you say that?
Because they sniff each others’ butts.
Gibbs, you smell my butt. Way more than I like.
That’s because your butt smells nice, unlike gross dog butt.
My butt smells like poo and feline female. How is that not gross? And how do you know what a dog’s butt smells like?
I think I used to live with one, before I went to the shelter and mom adopted me.
Oh yeah? What kind of dog was it?
I don’t remember. It’s so long ago and I try to block that from my memory.
Well, anyhow, dogs smell each others’ butts as a form of chemical communication. A dog finds out a lot of things about the other dog like its gender, emotional state, diet, and more. It’s kind of like saying “hello” in dog terms.
How do you know so much about this?
Because I’m a smart Queen.
Ziva, have you been changing channels to Animal Planet when mom isn’t looking?
Don’t be silly. I don’t have opposable thumbs. Besides, mom keeps watching the “My Cat from Hell,” show, which is a good thing.
Why is that?
Because then we don’t look so bad.
Oh.
I still wonder what it’s like to be a dog. They seem to be happy creatures when they’re not chasing their tail or afraid of the vacuum.
I’m not pleased with the vacuum either. It’s too loud and I swear one day it’s going to suck up our tails and eat them. We’ll spend the rest of our lives unable to swish.
Or hold it proudly in the air.
And proudly show our butt hole.
Now who’s being gross?
Ziva, we are just as well off being cats with this human. Mom gives us a place to sleep, she feeds us kibble, she plays with us and gives us attention. Although, I would like MORE attention. Like every hour of every day attention.
You are an attention whore.
You are a snoring whore.
Ugh.
You can dish it out, but you can’t take it.
You’re still an attention whore.
You’re so childish.
*A moment of silence*
Gibbs, you never really answered my question. What do you think it’s like to be a dog? Don’t say “gross.”
It depends. If they have a loving and caring human, then I imagine it’s great – they get a place to sleep, a bowl of kibble, a tummy rub…
I hate tummy rubs.
I know Queenie. Can I finish?
Yeah, okay.
One thing that I wish we could do is go for a walk like a dog. I mean, dogs get to wander the neighborhood, poop and urinate anywhere they want, bark at bunnies, and smell everything in the air. We have to stay inside or on the porch and smell the same boring smells. Except when the Bryan guy is cooking meat on that metal contraption right outside the window. I wish he would come up here and give us some meat. It smells like awesome meat.
I don’t know why you like human food so much. I can barely stand to sniff it.
It’s because you’re weird.
You’re still an attention whore.
Stop it.
No, you stop it. I don’t think you’d really like to go for a walk like a dog.
Why not?
Because. Harness. Lead. Loud cars. Scared. Dragging.
Oh. On second thought…
Yeah, let’s just stay here in case mom needs us again to write a post for her. I always enjoy pitching in and speaking my mind.
After which we take a nap, knowing our job has been well done. One day someone is going to ask me to write a book.
Sweet dreams Gibbs.
Same to you snoring whore.
Attention whore.
*From the distance, a voice is heard. “Talk nice to each other or you’ll never write anything for me ever again.”*
In unison, “Yes mom!”
Have a nice nap Queenie. You can dream about dogs and I’ll dream about barbecued meat.
Oka…ZZZZzzz…Sknxxxxkk…
Many thanks to the Two Peas, who agreed to write this post for their human, in exchange for treats and additional play time. Right after a long nap…
Mary J Melange 
There is only 1 way I wish cats were more like dogs … that they would like to go out in the car and you can take them places with you. That would be so cool.
… Theo says ‘no, it wouldn’t’.
That is so true! How much more relaxing would it be (for us) to alleviate the yowling on a ride to the vet? Every time I get a new kitten, I think about taking him/her for regular car rides…so they are not so afraid. But that never happens and I think most cats simply hate the cage and the car anyway.
Tell Theo he doesn’t know what he’s missing.
I have. He reminds me that cats don’t like change
Typical cat… 😉
I love your two “peas”! We used to keep #4 Daughter’s black cat while she was in non-cat housing, and he was best buddies with our black Lab. We would see them out on the porch, curled up taking a nap together. Thanks for sharing your peas’ private conversation — it’s so very *cat*!
I always like to see cat and dog buddies. It’s a lesson in not letting differences get in the way. My two peas said thank you and send kitty kisses!
Nice POST ❤ ❤ ❤
Gibbs and Ziva thank you very much!
That seems accurate. You’ve got some good cats there. Was that extra treats today, or every day for a week?
MiMi would like to go on adventures, but I think Ziva’s right, she wouldn’t like the harness. lead and stuff. Her sister is content to be an indoor kitty.
No, just today for the treats. I found some grain-free treats that they LOVE and would eat the entire bag in one sitting. So, I have to be careful.
I tried a harness and leash with both of them at one time and neither thought much of it. They are happier being free on the screened-in patio.
MiMi likes to go onto our porch (also enclosed). They are funny creatures, but we love them.
cracked me up!
Yeah, those two are quite the pair. 😃
Haha! Brilliant.
I’m not telling the peas you called them brilliant. It’s hard enough for me to live with them now…
Okay. It’s our secret. Or theirs. Either way I see a cone of silence in our future. Lol
Haha! I agree, dogs ARE gross, but I love mine, disgusting as she is.
My female cat won’t touch human food.
Considering what I pay for good cat food, I might understand why Queenie prefers the kibble over people food.
Hah!
Hello,
Just a little note to tell you that I’ve nominated you and your lovely blog for a Liebster Award.
You can read more about this here: https://thecobweboriumemporium.wordpress.com/2017/06/14/liebster-award-nomination/
You don’t have to accept the award if your blog is award free.
I’ve placed a link to your blog on my own blog, so that people can come and check you out.
Congratulations on being worthy of nomination. Your blog is fabulous. ~ Cobs. 🙂
Oh Cobs, thank you so much for the nomination! I tend to be award free, but only because I don’t have the time to address nominations. It’s been difficult of late to keep up with my own writing, so I hope you understand. I am very honored that you chose me and considered my blog award worthy. Thank you!
Of course I understand Biker. There was no obligation. But I wanted to you know that I felt your blog is worthy of the nomination.
Have a blessed rest of your day ~ Cobs. x
😃
I loved this! Cats are easier to take care of than dogs, though I might think that because I’ve had crazy dogs for many years and cats a very long time ago.
I’ve been around (and love)dogs, but never had one of my own to care for. You may be right, though, since I don’t have to walk them or take them outside to poop. In the end, we have our fur babies because we love them rather than how much work it takes to care for them.