I don’t make New Year’s resolutions.
No resolutions means no guilt later for not following through.
I hate guilt.
However, for the sake of Linda G. Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday, I’m going to give you my Top Ten Unattainable Resolutions for 2018.
No stress.
No guilt.
No worries about achieving goals.
Ready? Here we go…
- Lose 30 lbs and look like Heidi Klum.
- Go to the gym or yoga every day so I can wear short skirts and look like Heidi Klum.
- Don’t eat chocolate or anything with sugar in it.
- Don’t spend any money on vet bills or new clothes.
- Never cry at work.
- Never swear at work.
- Retire in 2018.
- Never be awoken by a cat at 4:30 a.m.
- Sleep nine hours every night, with a 15 minute daily nap.
- Always cook and eat healthy meals so that Heidi Klum will want to look like me.
That’s it!
No muss, no fuss, no guilt and totally stress-free.
Do you have unattainable resolutions for 2018, dear readers?
Do you want to look like Heidi?
Stream of Consciousness Saturday is the truth from author Linda G. Hill. Every Friday, Linda provides her followers with a prompt. It can be a word or words and sometimes bonus points are involved (my favorite). Linda asks us to write without editing, other than correcting spelling errors.
Just go with the flow.
Like a babbling brook, ambling stream or running river. Click HERE if this type of writing floats your boat or helps with your decision-making process.
Mary J Melange 
Numbers 3 and 6 are out. In fact, I have a bowl of chocolate at work that I go to when I want to swear. Sometimes, it only postpones the bad words.
And, I have to admit to not knowing who Heidi Klum is 🙁
Heidi Klum is a former model from Germany. She is the creator/producer of Project Runway. You don’t want to resolve to look like her. She’s blonde… 😉
Ha ha – sounds like good advice. I doubt I can work my way to looking like any of the male heartthrobs either, at least not in a single year. I’ll settle for staying the same size.
What, ‘don’t wear skinny jeans’ didn’t make the list? If you find a way to keep the cats sleeping in, do blog about it! I’m all ears! I do love the guilt-free list by the way! 😉
LOL, I wrote this before I read your post or perhaps it would have been!
My boy Gibbs was tearing it up at 5:15 am this morning. I consider that “sleeping in.” So, no, I haven’t found a way to keep him quiet. Darnitall.
Yeah but she’s stuck with that hideous name and no cool moniker like ‘Biker Chick’. You got it goin’ on Mary. I’ll likely go to my grave with a hint of dark chocolate on my breath! 😜
I’m reading your comment while eating a Mexican dark chocolate muffin. Yeah, it’s still 2017, but I don’t see chocolate going away in 2018 or ever. It’s my life’s blood. 🍩🍵
Yes! We are mentally and physically addicted. Plus, its good for yiu. Granted its better for you without the flour, sugar and ‘other’ stuff…but evolution is slow….
LOL. The not crying and not swearing at work brought back memories. You got me thinking. I resolve to not eat any milk chocolate. Only dark chocolate. And to sleep 9 hours on one night in 2018. Anything’s possible!
Dark chocolate is good. I can no longer eat milk chocolate, it’s too sweet for me!
I know. I can’t even taste the chocolate in the milk chocolate.
I am much too short to be mistaken for Heidi Klum. Not to mention being too old, weighing too much, and not even knowing how to apply makeup…
Well, Joanne, I don’t think I could ever look like Heidi even if I was 25 again. Only in my mind…😉
The mind is a powerful thing… 😉
LOL
I wish I’d had Heidi’s abs after carrying children. She makes a mockery of all mothers’ aprons! Why her abs didn’t rip and break?!? Gah, good for her.
Um, I wouldn’t attempt half of these. My all the time resolutions are basically me battling addiction. Stuff like, “You don’t need soda, Joey.” “You’ve played this word game for 48 minutes now, isn’t that enough?” ‘No, not one more episode, sleep now.” “Don’t even pick up that laptop, or you’ll never start dinner.” “You just had a Starbucks yesterday.” “It’s not nice to hump sick men, think about his feelings.”
Then there are those like, “You must gym today, for you didn’t gym yesterday. You will turn into a hippo.” “Call your mother while you still have her.” “These chickens won’t roast themselves.”
Sigh.
Also, I’m not a chocolate person, but chocolate, like wine, is very good for humans, at least, in small doses. Chocolate up, Mary. YOLO!
Maybe Heidi’s abs will break when she hits menopause…like mine did.
“It’s not nice to hump sick men…” LOL! You could give him some Nyquill instead.
I have some of those same addictions…gyming and getting off the laptop. Life is so hard.
Thanks for the affirmation that dark chocolate is good for me. I’ll keep on keeping on with the tasty stuff.
He won’t hardly take medicine. He allowed me to make him icy cold and steamy hot drinks upon request, but he hates medicine.
I don’t blame him. I can only take Mucinex for colds. Everything else makes me feel worse.
Oh that is sad. Mucinex does work really well 🙂
Your way is almost easier than my way! I wrote “My Resolution is No Resolution” because I’m tired not not measuring up to my own standards. One day at a time, as they say. Have fun not meeting your goals!
This is going to be a fun year of not living up to my goals and dreams. Maybe in 2019 I’ll get serious…about something.
Amen to that!
My unattainable resolution is to quit worrying and being anxious over what I cannot control. Ha! Worry and her sister Anxiety scoff at me. You’ll be back they say … you always come back
We may need to get together for a dual anxiety/worry exorcism. Get rid of those b*tches once and for all!
Lol! Yes. Kick em to the curb!
Bwahahahaha! Talk about unattainable goals. Can’t say I’ve ever entertained the notion of looking like Heidi Klum…
I should have picked a famous model with short dark hair so I had at least a 5% chance of attaining that goal.
Oh, yeah–totally doable, Mary. Heidi Klum–why can’t she be old, fat and wrinkled is beyond me! Let me know how these resolutions work for you…… 🙂
I’ve already given up on them, Lois, and it isn’t even 2018 yet.
hahahaha!! Best un-resolution list yet 🙂
Happy New Year, Mary!! May the new year be full of everything you love!!
Thanks Joanne, and same to you and Gilles. Let’s make it the best biking year ever!
Amen to that!
Love these unattainable New Year’s Resolutions. Like you I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions.LOL
I wonder if Heidi makes resolutions, although I’m not sure what she needs to make better. 😏
There’s always something. LOL
these are awfully easy unattainable goals .. 🙂 🙂 🙂
Yup, that was my goal Susan! 😏
I know!!!!! 😂
Usually I just make the one resolution “I will not make any New Year resolutions” then on the 1st of January I can sit back and be smug for the rest of the year that I achieved my New Year resolution. But I’ll play the unattainable game:
1. I will win the New York Marathon
2. I will teach for a whole year and not get stressed once.
3. I will not eat any chocolate.
4. I will not drink any wine. Or beer. Or gin.
5. I will blog ten times a day.
Here’s to 2018 – The Year of Failing Happily!
You mean #1 is not attainable? I had such high hopes and bigger pompoms…
Have a wonderful 2018 Heather! Make it grand!
Hm. I think there’s a difference between ‘winning’ and ‘finishing’. Somehow I doubt ANY 50-year-old Australian would win the NYC Marathon. 🤔
Okay, so I’ll use my bigger pompoms for a finish. Are you signing up?
Actually, that’s part of the unattainable-ness. Have no desire to return to New York in the foreseeable future. Paris Marathon on the other hand…. 😜 (No, haven’t signed up for that either. But I would. If I could.)
I would choose Paris over NYC any day and I’ve never been to NYC. Maybe Paris for your 60th birthday, with only sightseeing and wine.
I like this list. 🙂 Just think – if you were Heidi Klum you’d have a personal gym with a trainer along with a personal chef so it would be relatively attainable. For those of us who are just regular folks, I thank you for the chuckle. 🙂
Judy you are right. Eating right and working out is a little easier when you have the money for hired chefs and personal trainers. I am not Heidi, and never will be, but a girl can always dream…