Hanging With the Girls

Warning! If you are of the male species, this may not be the post for you. To all others, THIS is what happens when I have nothing else to write about (unless you want to know about a dental appointment, allergies, or the amount of cat hair sucked up by the vacuum cleaner).

Proceed with caution…

I hate shopping for a bra. Hate, hate, hate it…with a passion. It is akin to having a tooth pulled at the dentist. Or fingernails on the chalkboard. Or listening to a dry, boring speaker right after eating a turkey club sandwich, fries and a brownie. Or trying on a bathing suit in spring when the skin is white and the extra 10 holiday pounds have not gone away.

Bra shopping is NOT fun.

bra store 2

Wipe that smile off your pretty, blonde face, it’s not funny or fun.

I dread the trip to the department store. While some women have a hard time with fitting due to their SIZE, I have a hard time fitting due to my size. One would think that not being endowed would make it easy, but it does not. Girlfriend Kelly agrees. She has “the nones” which is the flattened interpretation of “the girls.” I’m there with you, Kel. Let’s just say that coming up with a bra size that has two letters instead of one has been a great help, although that doesn’t always work across brands. And, when I think I’ve found the right brand and size, a busty babe at Victoria’s Secret announces that I do not need two letters, I just need a new letter.

Really? I’m so confused.

  • Did you know that women spend $16 billion worldwide, annually, on bras? (Spent begrudgingly, except for the ^pretty blonde woman^.)
  • Or that we each have nine boulder holders (tm Natasha) or pebble slings in our dresser drawer? (I come in at a mere 5.)
  • Or that the average cup size is 36C? (I feel so inept.)
  • Or that women change sizes at least six times in their life? (That would explain my need for a new letter.)

love no bra day

In October 1932, the S.H. Camp and Company correlated the size and pendulousness of a woman’s breasts to letters of the alphabet, A through D. Pendulousness? I can’t relate. How about a description for me and my kindred spirits? Noncleavageness comes to mind.

It’s not just the size and fit that is at issue here. It’s also the price. I will pay a mere $20 for a long-sleeved T-shirt that covers my entire upper torso, but must fork over $30 for a bra that covers a teeny tiny piece of me. (That’s the cost of the cheap bra at Kohl’s after using the 30% off coupon, buying three bras, and getting a $10 coupon to purchase a $20 pair of underwear.)  Seriously, I don’t have that kind of money for bras and I will not stand on the street corner, dressed like a cheeseburger, in order to make extra money to buy one.

Senseless inhumanity…

Thankfully, bra shopping is not in my near future. I was reminded of the ordeal, recently, as it was Natasha’s turn to sift through racks and racks of multi-colored cotton, polyester and spandex lace. She had a coupon and meant business. One hour later, Natasha declared victory. Lucky. Not everyone can find three bras that fit in one hour.

“I can never find the right bras.” ~Kate Upton~

See? Even the supermodels hate shopping for a brassiere. If Kate Upton can’t find a bra to fit, what hope do I have to find the correct size or letter?

What of your feelings, my friend, of bra shopping? Love it? Hate it? Are you forever in search of the perfect letter?


22 responses to Hanging With the Girls

  1. I feel your pain. I thought I found salvation in sports bras. While the Ventral portion was a match made in heaven, the dorsal portion created a pain between my shoulder blades that is unlike any other. I have shopped at Victoria’s Secret (in fact I worked there briefly several years ago). Different styles required different sizes. How does one keep it all straight? The last bra shopping experience yielded one that worked very well, and one that is about to become a sling shot. They all rub me the wrong way in the back because I am now entering that wonderful time of life where everything that touches my skin feels like torture (but I will willingly go through it to end the monthly torture). Depending on your work requirements for undergarments, could you get by with camisoles or anything with a “bra shelf”?

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Wow, you have it much worse when it comes to finding a bra that fits. I actually have a few that fit now, but the next time is questionable whether the same brand and size will do the trick.

  2. mrsmrs says:

    This is a subject upon which I am forced to dwell FAR TOO OFTEN. I am grossly overweight (as can be seen from the last post on the other site) and suffer from S H Camp & Co.’s topic – always have, even when young, bugger it. Buying bras is so appalling a thing for a fat lady that there are no words to describe it. No I do not want you to fit me: just bring me choices in no underwire 38-40D and white, please – and I refuse to pay more than $80 for any one of them ! I can tell you for a fact that if I did NOT suffer from S H Campt & Co.’s topic, I would go bra-less with joy. But I do, and that is really uncomfortable.
    Please do not post on this again. It maketh me miserable.

    • bikerchick57 says:

      So sorry M-R, I promise I won’t post on this subject again. Next up will be a photo story of Gibbs or Ziva or the bicycle or the lint from my belly button 😉

      $80 for a bra? Is that American or whatever the heck your currency is in Australia? Sounds like way more than what should be allowed by law, right?

      • mrsmrs says:

        $80 is a price one finds very rarely in stores Downunder, M-J: when I needed to look at least comparatively respectable, I could never pay less than $100 per bra – and that was 15 years ago. These days there are lots of online cheap bras; but I’ve done my dough several times with those because it really is impossible to get the fit right. 😦

      • bikerchick57 says:

        Well, you get what you pay for. I pay way too much for athletic shoes, but can’t wear the cheap ones as they hurt my feet. Same thing with the bra…one has to be comfortable (and supported).

  3. Hate it, but I’m happy once I’ve found the perfect bra. I’ve had to bra shop five times since January. I’ve lost 93 pounds since then and I think most of the weight has come from my boobs. I stated out at a 44 DDD! Now I’m a 36 DD. Unfortunately, most of my bras look cages and are very utilitarian! Blondie up there is smiling because she can buy pretty, pink, lacy bras. I might smile too if I could find something pretty to reel in the fun bags! 😉

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Congratulations on your weight loss! That is fabulous! I hope you can eventually find something to reign in the girls…something pink and lacy.

  4. Patagonia makes this bra. Small. Medium. Large. No wires or lace or other nonsense. I think I cried with ecstasy when I discovered it.

  5. joannesisco says:

    Would it be bad form to say I laughed? … I think I lost it at “I will not stand on the street corner, dressed like a cheeseburger … ” 😀 😀 😀

    • bikerchick57 says:

      I would say that’s good form. Just wait, at tax time, I could stand on the corner dressed as the Statue of Liberty…

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