Letting Go of 40 Years

What would you do if a friend of 40 years suddenly stopped talking? Radio silence. No phone calls, no letters, no explanation, no nothing. It will be three years in December since I last talked to my friend. I’ve been alternately sad, hurt and angry at various times, but Thursday was the worst. Perhaps it was the mutual acquaintance I ran into the day before who shared that he had seen my friend a month ago, had lunch with her,Read more

Between the Cotton Sheets

Her muffled, fearful yelp woke him. “Baby, what’s wrong?” he asked as his hand fell softly across the ivory of her shoulder. “Did you have a nightmare?” “Yes, it was awful. I was living in a house with snakes.” “Really? That sounds incredibly creepy.” Margo rolled over onto her right side, toward her love, the angst of a slithery dream still fresh on her face. “It was so weird, as if living with snakes was normal. They were everywhere –Read more

Processing 16 Years

Over coffee on Saturday morning, a friend asked me, “How are you processing?” She was asking about moving forward from my mother’s passing in February. A number of friends have asked this question in various formats, with concern in how I’m handling a new chapter of life. It’s a question that’s contemplative in response, at times difficult and at times easy to put into words, but I will try to answer. This is more than about mom, it’s a journeyRead more

Faithfully Home

  I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 2 Timothy 4:7 Mom found her way home last Friday, February 15, 2019. Home to her family of 15, home to her husband Evan, and home to her Savior, Jesus Christ. It was time for the dementia to take a hike and for Pauline to feel freedom from her physical restraints. Mom went peacefully in her sleep, a blessing that most of us desire whenRead more

Worry

Questions, always questions Will I? Can I? What if? Thick as grandma’s gravy Murky as dog-day waters It hangs in the air like a dense fog that fails to lift Doubts, always doubts I won’t I can’t If will happen Never positive in thought Believing in armageddon It drags its victims along through a pool of coagulated sludge Fear, always fear I submit I cringe A chill rises Tomorrow is at the forefront Yesterday still concerns It lurks in an inkyRead more

A Letter to Charlie

Dear Charlie, It’s hard, isn’t it? I saw you wipe away the tears today and it broke my heart. I wanted to get up from my chair and give you a hug…but I barely know you. Instead, I remained silent and still. Your wife, Margie, has aphasia and it must be so difficult when you don’t understand her. She has attempted to “talk” to me several times, usually with a smile, and I simply nod and smile back. I haveRead more

SOCs: Staring at the Ceiling

I am laying in my bed, staring at the ceiling. Trying not to fall asleep. I woke up Friday morning at 4 a.m. due to the usual bladder issues and couldn’t get back to sleep. It was frustrating, especially since Gibbs didn’t bother me for food until my alarm went off at 5:05. Now I am home, contemplating the SOCs prompt while I am prone. As I stare at the off-white, interior upper limits, I am reminded of how IRead more

One-Liner Wednesday: Happy Heart

This certainly is true…in my humble opinion. One can choose how their heart feels, no matter the playing field. Are my circumstances perfect? No. Are anyone’s circumstances perfect? Probably not. As a human, I have freedom of thought and freedom to choose how I feel about my status and environment. I can wallow in misery and defeat when life hands me lemons…or I can turn the yellow fruit into meringue pie. I can feel sorry for myself when faced withRead more

Speaking Out: Narcissism

Discover Challenge: Speak Out “Get inspired by those who speak out. Whether through blogging or marching, make your voice heard.” I remember when it hit me hard. Smack dab in the middle of the forehead. I had wondered for years… Why is he like this? What’s the matter with him? Why can’t he behave like a decent human being? On a day in 2009, I finally realized I had been living with a narcissist for almost 30 years. One withRead more

The Almost Perfect Leader

Tuesday will come with many mixed emotions. My boss, Rose, is retiring after 33 years as a public employee. I’ve worked with her for 16 of those years, through many changes in our work and personal lives. I’m happy for her, but sad for myself…for the loss of someone who inspired me in so many ways. She is the Almost Perfect Leader. “Be a leader with a ladder, not a boss with an order.”  ― Debasish Mridha My boss is theRead more

Breathing in Memories

I’ve desired to do this since early spring. It took me until October to comply, to get in the car and go. Something was pulling me toward home – the home of my birth and early existence. It is the home that I eventually wanted to escape out of small-town boredom. It is the home that I rarely visit, but is within a 35-minute drive. It is the home of special places, friends and family. I had to go andRead more

Squeezing the Cow

“The pattern of your breathing affects the pattern of your performance. When you are under stress, deep breathing helps bring your mind and body back into the present…breathe in energy. Breathe out negativity. Breathe in relaxation. Breathe out stress.”  ~Gary Mack~ Or you can squeeze the cow. Say what? About a month ago, one of our office assistants announced she was leaving to take another position in the school system. “Okay, fine, no problem,” I thought as we’ve had vacanciesRead more