#SoCS: Calculating Distance


“What did you say, Gibbs?”

Just thinking and calculating the distance between me and the bird sitting on the windowsill.

“Where did you learn such a big word?”

Dan’s cat Mimi. She said her owner is into calculating something called math.

“Yes, I know about Dan and his math abilities, but how long have you and Mimi been talking to one another? And exactly what allows you to do this? Having you been emailing back and forth? Using my phone? Are you both telepaths?”

I’m not answering your questions. I don’t want to get MiMi into trouble because that would mess up her beauty rest. She’s really cute, you know, and sleep helps keep her on point.

“Ahhh, I see. You miss Ziva.”

What? No! Why would you say that? She snored too loud, was crabby and used up the attention you are now giving to me.

Gibbs, you lived with her for ten years. I think you miss the company, especially when I’m not here.

Whatever. I’m really not thinking about her right now.

“You’re thinking of the birdie on the window.”

Yes ma’am.

“Why do you need to calculate the distance to said birdie? You can’t get to it anyhow. There’s a window…”

Stupid window.

“It’s there because of a thing called weather, and for your own protection.”

Why do I have to be protected? I’m trying to hunt and give you a present.

“You need to be protected because I can imagine you flying at the birdie, the birdie getting away, and you tumbling down to the ground two stories below. And then a trip to the vet because you’ve hurt yourself.”

Cats land on all fours.

“That’s what they say, Gibbs, but I’m not sure it’s true and I certainly don’t want you testing that theory.”

You’re no fun.

“I’m trying to keep you safe, buddy.”

I’m trying to catch birds.

“I know, but I’m never happy about that, especially since last year when you killed a robin and dragged it into the bedroom.”

Huh? Don’t you like my presents?

“I would be happy if you brought me the catnip banana or a felt mouse as your gift.”

That’s lame.

“Not to me. Look, I understand you have feline instincts that tell you to hunt and kill for survival. They are instincts that don’t go away even when you have a warm home, plenty of food and many soft places to sleep. But, I don’t like bird death. Never have, probably never will.”

That’s too bad. Birdies turn on my hunting motor, give me purpose and a goal that isn’t quite the same when batting a catnip banana around.

“I don’t mind you calculating bird distance, pointing at them, chirping at them, getting uber excited over them, crashing into the window over them, but I simply don’t want you to kill them.”

What’s the purpose in all of that if I can’t put an end to the story?

“If only you knew about catch and release…”

Catch and release? You mean catch the bird and then let it go? Alive?

“Yes. It’s about enjoying the excitement of the hunt, the waiting, and the thrill of the catch without hurting another creature.”

You’re insane.

“Some people do it all the time with fishing, Gibbs. They enjoy the sport of catching rather than having the need to kill and eat.”

Do the fisher people catch mackerel? I like mackerel!

“You’re incorrigible.”

Whatever mom. If you’re done trying to convince me to not be a cat, I’d like to get back to my algebra calculations.

“You don’t know algebra.”

Yes I do. It goes like this: x(birds) + y(cats) – w(window) = c(dead bird).

“Good Lord.”


“Dan would be proud of you, Gibbs. So very proud.”

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Just go with the flow.

Like a babbling brook or rain drops. Click HERE if this type of writing floats your boat or helps with your decision-making. Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “starts with cal.” Use a word starting with the letters “cal” as your prompt word. Have fun!

39 responses to #SoCS: Calculating Distance

  1. Dan Antion says:

    I’m putting a gold star on his report card as we speak. Then I need to go have a chat with Miss MiMi. I knew something was up. She doesn’t want me grabbing her foot because she’s afraid I’ll recognize the prints in my phone.

    Teaching Gibbs to catch and release might be as hard as teaching him to fly. I think a new catnip toy and a can of mackerel might be in order.

    Thanks for the shout, Gibbs! I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Tell you mom about the train that’s leaving Philadelphia. 😀

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Gibbs says, “You’re welcome,” and he appreciates the gold star. The boy also says MiMi is innocent of any wrongdoing…she was only helping with math. One paw plus one paw equals birdie in his grasp, or something like that. Their cat conversations are probably harmless unless both are making plans to take over humanity and make us their slaves.


      Have a lovely wekend, Dan. Grab MiMi’s paw and tell her to give Gibbs a “quiet” lesson next time.

      • Dan Antion says:

        Yeah, that “take over and make” ship has already sailed. MiMi and her sister will sit in the window and swish their tails when the birds are out. The birds seem to understand glass – they’re safe.

      • bikerchick57 says:

        The mourning dove has returned and as dumb as he is, he seems to understand windows and cats…I hope.

  2. Ally Bean says:

    Stupid window. Ha! I love Gibbs point of view on his life, the world, other cats. Thanks for my morning chuckle.

    • bikerchick57 says:

      He’s looking at the stupid window now, Ally, and he has that look of disdain for it, as usual. It will be better for Gibbs when the windows open and at least he can have a sense of being closer to his prey.

  3. John Hric says:

    You had better check to see if Gibbs is building a boat in the basement. Now that he is calculating. Cats. And relax Gibbs won’t have to cut up the boat in the basement. He will have them beam it up to the mother ship and then beam it back down on the outside of the window…

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Ha! I don’t have a basement and the garage is full, so I may be safe from any further cat calculations. Unless the mother ship builds one for him…

  4. Maggie says:

    Excellent! I always knew cats had some mental prowess we were not aware of. Cats plus math could spell trouble. Luckily you and Dan are watchful cat parents so things don’t spin out of control.

    • bikerchick57 says:

      I do have to acknowledge that Gibbs has a better handle on algebra than his human mom. However, I advised him to put aside his calculations for a nap and simple math – counting the number of kibble pieces left in his dish and the number of minutes until he eats again. He seems to be happy with that.

  5. dweezer19 says:

    😂😂😂😂I love this Mary! Dan would be very proud of Gibbs. I feel Mimi might warn him not to give away all his secrets. 😉💕

    • bikerchick57 says:

      No worries. Cats need to have one or two secrets from their human and vice versa. I don’t tell him where I hide the bag of cat food and he doesn’t tell me how many killer thoughts he has every day. We’re good.

  6. JoAnna says:

    What a great post! That’s some fancy cat algebra. Mama Cat likes her fuzzy ball on an elastic string attached to a pole that I try to move like prey. It took her a while to become comfortable enough here to play with it. Now, she often holds the ball with her front claws while scratching at it with her back claws which I assume is trying to eviscerate it . Yuck! But Gibbs would understand. I read something about “Play, catch, eat.” So I usually play with her before her evening meal and sometimes after she sees something she wants on the other side of the window. Yeah, Gibbs, I know it’s kinda lame, but Mama Cat likes it.

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Gibbs wants to know why I’m not feeding him at the moment, but I forever try to teach him patience. I think there’s an algebra equation for impatience. Anyhow, he was out on the patio this morning when three little sparrows landed on the deck railing. My roommate was quick enough to chase them away before Gibbs pounced because he was definitely in crouch and spring pose. Mama Cat will enjoy her play times, but her true instincts will never go away.

  7. Herman says:

    Wonderful post and a beautiful photograph of a smart cat!

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Gibbs is a smart boy, that is true Herman. It’s why there’s a double screen in the bedroom window because about 5 years ago, he pushed the single screen out and was sitting on the ledge. Probably thinking he could get at the birds or fly to them. 🙂😼

      • Herman says:

        Not only smart but very strong too! 🙂
        Wishing you a wonderful weekend, Mary!

  8. Our cat Angel used to make bird noises when she was scoping out the birds through our patio door. She liked to bring her catches indoors as well.

      • Yikes. Angel tried to bring in a large rat but I stopped her at the patio door. She had learned to open the screen door and I happened to look over and see her standing at the door with said rat in her mouth. I picked up the garden house and turned it on. She just had to hear the sound and she dropped with rat with disappointed awwh sound. 😀

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