“Sleep did not honor me with it’s presence.”
MJM’s Diary of the Tired:
Monday, March 15, 2021, 3:30 am – Gibbs the cat wakes me. The change in time may be at fault here, or he may be his usual self who believes he deserves kibble upon vocal and mischievous demands.
Monday, 3:35 am – I used the water spray bottle. Gibbs settled down.
Monday, 4:00 am – I am awake again, but not by the paws of a cat. It is the unforgiving teeny tiny bladder. Sh*t. I suppose I should get up and take care of that rather than lay here for a half hour hoping I’ll go back to sleep.
Monday 4:30 am – Still awake. The bladder is fine, I am not.
Monday 5:00 am – Ugh, can’t turn the mind off. Why am I thinking of silly, inconsequential things? What happened during a TV show or in the book I’ve been reading or what I ate for supper are thoughts not worthy of seconds. Sleep! I command ye!
Monday 5:30 am – The command falls on deaf ears. La, la, la, la, la, I can’t hear you!
Monday, 6:00 am – The alarm goes off. I am retired, but I schedule early morning chiropractic appointments to avoid a lot of people. Of all Mondays, I’ve picked the one where sleep has been short and I would rather take a hammer to the sing-songy sounds of “Morning Glory” than get out of bed.
Monday, 7:15 am – I am with the chiropractor. No caffeine, no breakfast and tired. This visit is required for my well-being and the only satisfaction I receive other than a healthier back is to see a beautiful sunrise while driving to my appointment. I haven’t witnessed this in a very long time, since working and traveling back and forth to the office every day. I should start getting up earlier as the weather warms so I may experience more of these spectacular events, but this is not the day to dwell on it.
Monday, 8:15 am – I am home, making tea and breakfast, contemplating a nap after both have settled. I can feel the lack of sleep will be leading to a day of laziness and naps. There is no motivation, only fleeting thoughts of “I should do…” that float away in a whisper.
Monday, 12:00 noon – Am I lazy today? Non-committal? Tired because I’m old? Coming off a sugar high from too much pie? Does it matter? Natasha tells me I can do what I want on any given day and not feel guilty. Natasha makes sense and I stop asking unimportant questions.
Monday, 5:38 pm – The day has gone by and what have I done? Read, watch TV, nap. Read, watch TV, nap. Eat a piece of pie or two. Read, watch TV, nap. Wake up and realize it’s time to get up and watch what remains of the national news. Make supper. Watch more TV.
Monday, 9:30 pm – I’m reading again (getting toward the end of a book makes it hard to put down) and Gibbs is licking wet food from his lips and deciding what spot on the bed he will warm and leave furry vestiges of himself.
Monday, 10:15 pm – Two chapters conquered. Barely. The eyes have called it – time for sleep. A nice, honoring sleep. Gibbs will wake me once again early Tuesday morning, but this time, it cannot keep me from experiencing REM. There are no alarms, no early morning appointments, only the sound of nothing until nothing turns to light and the exhale of renewed breath returns.
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