A New Chapter: Life as Me

“There’s a grace when the heart is under fire
Another way when the walls are closing in
And when I look at the space between
Where I used to be and this reckoning
I know I will never be alone”

~From Another in the Fire by Hillsong~


Ten years ago, I wanted it to be over with.

The divorce.

I had two months to go for it to be final, and a number of years before I truly felt peace.

Ten years ago seems like yesterday and, yet, April of 2010 feels like forever ago.

Sitting through a women’s conference on Saturday, I was reminded that I survived a journey.

One that would lessen emotional pain and stress, heal a heart, and open eyes to a new life.

One that found support in old and new friends, family, and a church community.

I stopped hiding the truth and started talking and praying.

I started to laugh and breathe again.

A new chapter of this story began: Life as Me.

Throughout the past ten years, I’ve learned to be more patient, to not let stress overwhelm, to not be reactionary in anger, and to be happy living a simpler life.

Friends pointed out that we’re all worthy of respect and love, and have a right to be a total nerd, if we so choose.

The workplace and its peers gave me a safe, albeit busy, haven during the day and a paycheck every two weeks in order to keep the bills paid and food on the table.

Two cats gave comfort in purrs and snores.

Family provided support, encouragement, and forgotten memories.

Faith in God reminded me that there is grace in hard times and in healing, and that even though I’m not in control of everything and life is never perfect, there is peace in simply being alive.

I have found peace, my friends.

Peace in my heart, a calm in my soul.

A change in life’s outlook.

It took ten years, but here it is. Front and center and all around.

The chance to take a deep breath and let out a sigh of relief and accomplishment.

This doesn’t mean I will never get mad or stressed or feel sadness over loss again, that future days won’t have their ups and downs.

After all, that’s how it goes…right?

My reckoning means that I am surrounded by people I love and people I have yet to meet; given opportunities to travel and serve others; have become passionate about writing, reading and riding a bicycle; and am ready to face a pending retirement and live a slightly different existence without a 5:00 am wake-up call.

Today, I am led by a faith that reflects kindness and compassion and a knowledge that I will never be alone in whatever happens in the next ten years and beyond.

It will be an exciting and interesting and challenging time, and I can hardly wait.

39 responses to A New Chapter: Life as Me

  1. loisajay says:

    I am excited for you, Mary. You sound so very happy and peaceful. That makes me happy, too. Enjoy.

  2. Dan Antion says:

    This is so good to read, Mary. You deserve all of that and more. I think you will enjoy retirement, but I am happy that you are enjoying life.

  3. Ally Bean says:

    Lovely thoughts. You’ve gained the perspective you need to know all is well with your soul now. I’m glad you’ve found the joy you deserve.

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Thanks Ally. The recent peeks at spring may have helped me realize that I’ve come into a new season and am ready for the rest of my life. Bring it on!

  4. That’s so wonderful, Mary. You have made the journey, fought the battles and found peace and that is a mighty achievement. Love and blessings to you. ❀

    • bikerchick57 says:

      H, it’s good to hear from you! I hope all is well with you and you are conquering your summer races (sorry I missed your last post). We both have our achievements and have been blessed in many ways. May your next ten years be awesome and peaceful too. πŸ™‚β€

  5. dweezer19 says:

    It sounds like you have come a long way, Mary. May your steps be much lighter as you continue on the Path. Hugs.

  6. It sounds like you are in a good place. Retirement is like everything else – not perfect. The alarm won’t go off which is blissful, but if you’re use to the organization of working, you will need to create your own new day. Anyone who reads this knows you can do it with no problem. πŸ™‚

    • bikerchick57 says:

      I don’t think I’ll have issue witb creating a day-to-day retirement schedule, Judy. I’m looking forward to whatever I come up with.

  7. Joanne Sisco says:

    There are already so many great comments here that express well my thoughts reading this post.

    It takes great courage to face one’s life, and if unhappy, make dramatic changes. It takes great courage to forge a new path. I’ve often wished we could know that everything will be ok in the end so we could stop stressing about whether we’re making the right choices.
    It’s certainly heartwarming to look back and realize that you’ve not only survived, but thrived. Congratulations ❀️

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Thank you for your kindness, Joanne. A great part of the surviving and thriving has been the people in my life and I would include you. Friendships are so important to me, whether it’s face-to-face or through this blogging experience. I certainly made the right choice when I started writing and met so many wonderful people through it. Have a wonderful day!

      • Joanne Sisco says:

        I agree wholeheartedly with you about the special role of friends – whether in real life or virtual. I never imagined that blogging would become the treasure that it is.

  8. It is so lovely you can look forward to your retirement from this peaceful place Mary, there’s so much healing in the love that surrounds you now xxx

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Regardless of the current issues around the world and in the U.S., which I could allow to drag me down, I’m holding onto all that is positive and right in my personal life. Hugs and peace to you and the pups.

  9. Judy Brekke says:

    It warms my heart to hear you have accomplished this peace. Miss you so much!!

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Miss you too, Judy. At some point, I really do have to hop in the car and come to visit. Part of my journey has been meeting very special friends like you. ❀

  10. parkermccoy says:

    It sure sounds like you’ve opened a lot of new doors, Mary. Very happy for you! I’m sure divorce is not an easy thing to go through but I think you’re going to do just fine. You’ve got a great shoulder ornament (head haha) !! Great post!

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Thank you so much! No, the divorce was definitely not easy, but I’ve been on the uphill climb ever since, getting stronger and more peaceful with every passing day.

  11. Congratulations on being you, Mary J. I don’t many people ever achieve being themselves. My divorce was almost 25 years ago. I still celebrate “Freedom Day.” It was the beginning of the road to *me*. Hugs on the wing!

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Oh yes, it was Freedom Day! I’m trying to be me in more ways than one. I still have work on not thinking, at times, that I am lacking in certain areas because it’s usually for silly reasons. Hope you are having an awesome morning, Teagan. Your visit reminds me that I still have to catch up with the riverboat before the next installment arrives on Saturday. Hugs!

  12. marianallen says:

    Hugs to you, Mary! I’m so happy the decade had brought peace and joy to you. Thank you for sharing it. ❀

  13. joey says:

    That’s ten years you’ve given yourself and in turn, given us, as we get to share in your revelry too πŸ™‚ I am happy you are you, and that you’ve prospered in your heart and soul ❀

  14. JoAnna says:

    Looking at how far we’ve come and what we’ve come through always helps with the challenges of the day. Thank you for this gift of perspective.

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