SoCS: When Knives Attack!

This post is based solely on the movie name of “Knives Out,” per direction from the fabulous Linda G. Hill.

Have I ever told you of my relationship with knives?

I love using knives. They make cooking much easier – slicing instead of pounding with a rock or tearing with my teeth.

Knives, on the other hand, don’t always love me back.

Take, for instance, the time many years ago when a bread knife decided to take a journey off the brat bun and across my left forefinger while entertaining guests. Severely and deeply. Don’t know why the knife did this (perhaps because tanned flesh is similar in color to baked wheat), but the result was bloody.

While the male members of our dinner party stayed home and held down the fort with adult refreshment and a pang of hunger, the girlfriend and angry knife victim went to the emergency room. I explained to the ER doctor that I didn’t know the cause of the bread knife attack and it was embarrassing that I let an inanimate object get the best of me. “No worries,” said the doc, “We’ll get you stitched up and on your way.”

Perhaps the doctor had no worries, but I had to eventually go home to a drawer filled with steely terrorists.

The girlfriend and I made it back to the men a few hours later, the left forefinger stitched and securely wrapped…but not before the nurse decided I needed a tetanus shot in the right arm to add insult to injury. I often wonder why she didn’t give the shot in the left arm because if I’m going to be temporarily disabled, let half of me be okay.

The next day, as I walked through the mall, finger throbbing and pointing at everyone I passed, I tried to adjust the purse that was slung over the sore right arm. I don’t remember what made me venture out to the mall in this condition, but it was a bad choice. On one hand, I was safe from knife attacks. On the other hand, it was painful to open the wallet and pay for anything that would make me feel better. I believe I went home empty-handed as the thought of carrying another bag full of stuff made me cringe.

After this excursion into the hellfire of when knives attack, things changed a bit at home. I still used knives…carefully…but the “then husband” remained uneasy. If he saw me with a knife in my hand, he would take it from me and finish slicing or dicing whatever was on the cutting board. It was a chivalrous thing to do, although I suspect that using a knife was easier for him than waiting forever in the ER waiting room while they sewed on the tip of whatever finger would fall victim to the next offensive strike.

It’s now years later and the knives in my life seem to have calmed their warring minds. There has been no recent blood-letting incident and no need for a husband to cover while I run the gauntlet of food preparation. That awful bread knife is in a landfill somewhere, buried so that it will never again inflict harm to a forefinger. The current set of tools in the kitchen have been respectful and kind, but I continue to be on watch for any fledgling signs of malice. Only one bread knife exists in the kitchen, but I don’t have a reason to use it. It tries to taunt me out of respect for its buried bretheren, but I pay no mind. (I don’t eat bread, stupid.)

I have other battles to fight, hopefully none of which require a visit to the ER.

I prefer to go to the mall and shop, not to point at strangers.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday is the brainchild of author Linda G. Hill. Every Friday, Linda provides her followers with an inspiring blogger’s prompt. It can be a word or words and sometimes bonus points are involved (my favorite). Linda asks us to write without editing, other than correcting spelling errors.

Just go with the flow.

Like a babbling brook or rain drops. Click HERE if this type of writing floats your boat or helps with your decision-making. Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “movie title.” Take the title of the last movie you watched (just the title, not the premise of the movie), and base your post on that title. Have fun!

27 responses to SoCS: When Knives Attack!

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Owww, Judy. Those darn hammers…clobbering fingers at will! I hope those encounters caused only a temporary cry of pain and not a trip to the doctor.

  1. Dan Antion says:

    I feel your pain. I worked hard not to envision the blood. If you had been more detailed, my wife would be wondering “why is Dan on the floor?”

    I agree with you about the shot. Why put both arms out of action?

    I hope you have a great and safe weekend. Buy salsa in a jar and enjoy the game. Good luck!

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Soooo, blood to Dan is like Algebra to Mary, causing dizziness and fainting. Yup, I get it. I hope neither of us have to deal with either one any time soon.

      Well, okay, you can have your math and 50 bonus points for counting to ten and staying upright while you read this post.

      No salsa, but I’ll find something else to help me watch the game. Think positive thoughts for the team, Dan.

      • Dan Antion says:

        I think it’s only the sight of my blood, but my wife isn’t so sure and doesn’t want to find out. She tends to bandage herself before I get there to help. I’ve always managed to get myself out of harm’s way and into a place where I can at least apply a bandage, but then it goes wonky.

        I’m thinking positive thoughts. I’d like to see Aaron get another ring, and there’s no better time than when he isn’t playing opposite my team.

      • bikerchick57 says:

        The red stuff never bothered me. On the other hand, if someone is going to hurl their cookies, I’m running fast in the opposite direction. It’s worse than being attacked by a knife.

        Thanks for the positive thoughts. The Packers will need all the good thoughts and mojo they can find.

      • Same here Mary… I can handle blood and feces, but the thought of anyone tossing their cookies makes me toss mine!

  2. loisajay says:

    Oh, the attacking knives…..You know that little trick about slicing an avocado and then sticking the knife in the pit, turn and out pops the pit? Yeah, doesn’t happen that way when the knife slices through the pit into your hand. Dammit! All I wanted was a little bowl of guac. Yeah, ER doc suggested finding a new way to slice avocados.

    • bikerchick57 says:

      LOL, I worry about doing that myself every time I eat an avocado. Not sure how else to get that pit out, so I keep staring danger in the face. If you figure out a different method, Lois, let me know.

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Thanks Katie! Knives Out was a good movie, but it was weird listening to Daniel Craig with a southern and not a British accent.

  3. I had the same thing happen to me, only I didn’t have to have stitches. But I passed out and woke to my 3 years old looking down on me, “Mommy are you okay?” Knives aren’t my best friend and Mr. keeps me far from them as much as possible. I’m glad you survived and lived to tell the tale. My youngest just saw that movie – she liked it, did you?

  4. joey says:

    Excellent! Very funny (at your expense) but I loved reading this. Certainly glad the knives have calmed down. My mother is a frequent victim of knife attacks, has been all my life. She’s graceful otherwise, so I don’t know what it is with her and knives!

  5. Joanne Sisco says:

    Beware sharp objects. They attack at inopportune times … like dinner parties. In my case it was a mandoline and its attack required 9 stitches in my baby finger. Thankfully I hit the ER during a quiet spell and I was in-and-out in about an hour. Miracles happen.

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Mandolines are scary things, taunting us to bring our fingers closer and closer until…wham! I wonder if they realize their actions are really not polite. 😏

  6. Am so glad to hear that brutal beast is in a landfill and your finger is back to normal. Knives have a way of keeping an eye — or sharp edge — on you. And slow cutting doesn’t always “cut” it. Just beware.

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