SoCS: If He Could Talk

Oh boy…”

“What is it Gibbs?”

Why don’t you ever stay home?”

“I am home, sitting here in my pajamas.”

I mean all day.”

“Oh…”

It’s one of those two days when you don’t have to earn money for kibble.”

“Yes it is.”

Then why don’t you stay home?”

“Because I have other things to do.”

Like what?”

“Like shopping for food, my own kibble if you will. Or shopping for clothes, having lunch with friends, going to church, riding the bike…”

You haven’t been on two wheels since you left Ziva and I for dead a month ago.”

“Don’t remind me. And I did not leave you two for dead. Natasha was here and fed you, or don’t you remember?”

Oh, I forgot.”

“I’d love to be home all the time and snuggle with you two and a good book, but then nothing would get done and I wouldn’t have much of a life.”

What about our lives? Hmmm? We don’t get to do those fun things. We count on you for our entertainment.”

“Gibbs, you and Ziva would not go anywhere. You hate the car.”

Oh, yeah.”

“If you can hang on for another year, I will be home more often.”

What happens then?”

“I’m retiring.”

Huh. Isn’t that what you do every night after you eat supper?”

“No, that’s called relaxing.”

Well, then, what’s retirement?”

“It’s when I quit working!”

You’re going to quit working? How will you pay for our kibble and the meat you never share with me? You’ll be home, but we’ll all die of starvation!”

“Fat chance, Gibbs. I will continue to be paid from a pension.”

A what?”

“I’ll still have enough money to buy kibble and food.”

Oh, goodie.”

“Anyhow, Gibbs, I am going out later this morning to have lunch with a friend and go shopping. I have not seen her in months, so I’m excited for the time we’ll spend together.”

What about our time? Some days it feels like I haven’t seen you in months either.”

“Gibbs, you are so needy. Why can’t you ever just hang out without crying for attention? Like your sister.”

She snores and bleats.”

“Somehow, that’s not as annoying.”

Mom, I only ask that once in a while you stay home all day and pay more attention to me. To us.”

“Good Lord, I’ll be glad when you grow up, move out and earn a living.”

Huh?”

“I’m kidding Gibbs.”

Stop it. You scared me.”

“Sorry, couldn’t help myself.”

So, you’re still going to leave us today?”

“Yes?”

What about tomorrow?”

“It’s church day. I’ll be gone for part of the morning, but back in time for football.”

Then you’ll be in front of the TV, yelling and screaming and scaring poor Ziva to death.”

“She’ll get over it. She always does.”

Can I sit on your lap while you yell and scream?”

“Sure, but won’t I scare you too?”

Oh, right. Maybe I should take a nap then.”

“That would be a good idea. When you’re done with the nap and the game is over, we can play or snuggle or I can ignore you.”

Not funny mom.”

“I thought it was.”

Not ever.”

“Oh.”

Mom?”

“What Gibbs?”

You know I hate it when you leave. I get anxious. That’s why I yowl sometimes. I need to be by you and know you’ll never desert me. Or Ziva.”

“I would never ever do that. Not in a million years.”

Really?”

“Really.”

Positive?”

“Positive.”

Pinky cat claw swear?”

“I swear.”

It’s a good thing mom. You know why?”

“Why?”

Because Ziva and I love you and we anxiously wait for you to come home.”

“And because you’re hungry and don’t have opposable thumbs.”

That too.”

“Well, okay, gotta go. You and Ziva hold down the fort until I get back.

What do you mean by hold down the fort?”

“It means be good, don’t yowl at Natasha, and make sure there’s still an apartment when I get back.”

Oh.”

“We’re cool?”

Cool.”



Stream of Consciousness Saturday is the brainchild of author Linda G. Hill. Every Friday, Linda provides her followers with an inspiring blogger’s prompt. It can be a word or words and sometimes bonus points are involved (my favorite). Linda asks us to write without editing, other than correcting spelling errors.

Just go with the flow.

Like a babbling brook, ambling stream or running river. Click HERE if this type of writing floats your boat or helps with your decision-making. Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “-tast-.” Find a word that contains “tast” and use it in your post. Enjoy!

27 responses to SoCS: If He Could Talk

  1. Dan Antion says:

    “…but we’ll all die of starvation.” Ha ha – I love that line. I swear that’s how they feel. This year will fly by, Mary. You will be sitting with Gibbs in your lap before you know it. But, are you sure it’s a good idea to leave him in charge?

    Have a good weekend – GoPackGo!

    • bikerchick57 says:

      I only let Gibbs thinks he’s in charge. Or does he let me think I’m in charge? Whatever the case, that poor thing always believes he’s starving for food and attention. It’s the way it has been and will always be. Amen.

      If you hear loud yelling tomorrow afternoon, you’ll know where it’s coming from. 😉

  2. conspicari says:

    Thank you for the smile. I’ve been retired (early, just) for a few years now, and being able to spend time with my two cats has been one of the best things about retirement. They keep me working for them though, lots of snacks between meals, and doors to open.

    • bikerchick57 says:

      I’m glad to hear you’re enjoying retirement with kitty snuggles, feedings, etc. My two may not understand what’s happening when I retire (why is mom home?), but they’ll be truly happy about it. And so will I! 🙂

  3. Joanne Sisco says:

    “You haven’t been on two wheels since you left Ziva and I for dead a month ago.”

    hahahaha!! Cats are the original Drama Queens 😆
    Theo came into my life after I retired. I’m home more often than not and yet when I stepped out yesterday afternoon for a short 30 minute walk before dinner, he acted like I had abandoned him on the side of the road in the country miles from home.

    I guess what I’m saying is that after you retire, your little Drama Queen isn’t going to change his behaviour. Consider yourself warned 😏

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Oh great, thanks for the warning, Joanne. I’ll just plan on never leaving the house unless it’s to buy kibble at the pet store.

      But, not really. Gibbs and Ziva will have to get used to the change and continue to put up with my comings and goings. And I will have to buy ear plugs. :-p

      • Joanne Sisco says:

        I don’t know if the ear plugs will help. Yesterday Theo did something he’s never done before. He started pawing at my leg like a dog to get my attention. Sigh – they are whip-smart.

      • bikerchick57 says:

        I tell you, Joanne, your cat and mine are connected somehow. Gibbs has not done the pawing thing yet (except on my face at 4 am), but I wouldn’t put it past him. Right now, he’s pawing at the bedroom door to get out because I’ve been busy reading Saturday blog posts. My leg will be next…

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Nope, she’s busy making noises in her basket. The other night I thought my roommate was humming to herself only to figure out it was Ziva snoring. She’s too funny.

  4. Shelley says:

    LOL – you talk cat so well Mary – I ‘Pinky cat claw swear’ that you do. You’re so darn creative.

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Aww, Shelley, thanks. I’d really love to have a conversation with my critters. I imagine how that would go, but sure there would be a few surprises.

      • Shelley says:

        You’re welcome. Oh, yes, it would be interesting and full of surprises!!

  5. LOL. Mary J, your cats think they’re in charge… Mine *knows* it! 🐱
    Crystal snores too. Sometimes she meows in her sleep.
    Ah! Anticipation of retirement. Me, I ran for my life. It’s wonderful to enjoy anticipation if you can. Happy Caturday hugs!

    • bikerchick57 says:

      I’ve never heard Ziva meow in her sleep, but she makes enough noises as it is. Yes, retirement is highly anticipated. I hope the year goes by fast.

  6. Herman says:

    Great conversation! I hope you didn’t make this story up and everything was true…
    Looks like I’m going to join you next year for an early retirement. Finished all the paperwork last month…

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Retirement next year is absolutely true, Herman. The kids and I are going to love it and I hope you do too. 🙂

  7. Laura says:

    I’m pretty sure all cats are convinced they’re an inch from death from food/love deprivation. I’ll consider it survival instinct. 😆

  8. marianallen says:

    I think Tipper is first runner-up after Gibbs in the attention-hog derby! He wants to be on my lap. On his back. With both my arms cradling him. Doing nothing else. I would say NO, but those big cat eyes and that little pink nose….

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Awww…Tipper sounds so cute…your own special needy baby. You are correct…those little faces are hard to resist.

  9. joey says:

    Left for dead, Haha! As if!
    Sometimes if I weekend-do too muchly, I can’t weekend-do and need a break to lie around and mouth breathe – read, blog, tv, nap. I had that today, and the pets and I are right happy about it!
    Last week we ran out of wet food. It was a crisis, but not as bad as it would be if we ran out of crunchy kibble. (Like I’d have to suck it up and go to Walgreens to get some so we could all sleep!)
    I’m glad you and the kitties will have vittles and even more snuggles post-retirement 🙂

    • bikerchick57 says:

      I was getting the “left for dead” look today. Must have been gone to long to church…the nerve of me!

      Glad you had snuggle time with the critters and your blog and the TV. Days like that are well deserved for busy Joeys.

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