Teeny Tiny Tank

“The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.”

~Alfred Hitchcock~


I agree.

Confession: I have a teeny tiny holding tank. I swear, the size of a walnut.

It has been an issue for much of my adult life.

Especially when a movie exceeds the two hour mark.

Made it through Downton Abbey recently. Made it through Black Panther and Bohemian Rhapsody last year.

Not sure how I made it through all three Lord of the Rings movies, although I’m sure the pressure of sitting through the third hour was distracting.

I don’t drink anything for an hour or two before the movie and nothing during the movie.

Liquid abstinence is required, but snacks are acceptable.

I like to throw a bag of cashews or a protein bar into my purse because edge-of-the-seat, super-hero action or snarky Violet Crawley retorts work up an appetite.

Anyhow…

Alfred Hitchcock (RIP) had the right idea.

Except that a number of his movies were longer than two hours. Topaz, Marnie, North by Northwest, and Rebecca to name a few.

I suspect his bladder was larger than mine.

As are those of the three-hour movie makers.

I can see the writing on the walnut.

I’m going to be like the older woman sitting in front of me recently at the theater. She came in late, then left ten minutes into the movie to use the bathroom.

Yup, that’ll be me when I’m 80, if not sooner.

*sigh*


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38 responses to Teeny Tiny Tank

  1. Oh boy, I am already heading that way the older I get. The hardest thing is a teaching day when I have a recess yard duty and a meal assistance duty at lunchtime. That’s 9.15am to 1.15pm without a break. Those are the days I regret the 3 mugs of tea and extra espresso I had for breakfast….

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Four hours without a bathroom break? After tea and espresso? I would never make it, not even on a good day. On those days, just remember to wear loose-fitting pants and a smile. πŸ™‚

      • One day, on yard duty, I was hanging out with a student and tried to encourage them to jump on the in-ground trampoline by demonstrating. I had to dash over to a classroom I knew I friend would be having her morning tea in so I could knock on the door and ask her to take my spot while I dashed to the loo….
        Fortunately, most of the aides I work with are very understanding if I have to hand signal a “T” and duck out of the room for a few minutes.

      • bikerchick57 says:

        This is why I can’t jump rope. I tried that once and it almost led to an embarrassing disaster. It’s a good thing you have aides to cover for you…too painful and distracting otherwise.

  2. M-R says:

    Boy ! – another idiot ! You and H, both posting at the same time.
    [grin]
    But I still gave you an excellent.
    OX

    • bikerchick57 says:

      True, Judy. Coffee and tea are big culprits and even the young can have bladder issues. I have to be careful with when and how much liquid I drink, especially before yoga class – yoga is on first floor, the bathroom is on third floor. Not a quick journey if I have to excuse myself.

  3. Dan Antion says:

    My best friend once said that if he could have a superpower, it would be to make people have to go to the bathroom. He figured it would bring meetings to an end much faster. I hate meetings where they give the group “5 minutes for a bio-break” – I’ve actually started going downstairs to the bathroom off the lobby to avoid the line. Of course, on my way back, I pour another coffee 😦

    As I recall, “North by Northwest” might make you forget you have to go.

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Well, we usually have 10 minute meeting breaks because there’s the 5-minute “bio” break and there’s the 5-minute “let’s have another donut” break. Although, we have a lot of healthy eaters on our management team. So, maybe it’s more like a banana and water break.

      I’ve actually never watched “North by Northwest,” but it’s easier to sit through an edge-of-your-seat movie than one that drags on and on.

  4. Ally Bean says:

    I hear ‘ya and know what you mean. This is why I prefer to watch movies at home… with the bathroom nearby… and the remote control at my disposal. 😊

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Tis true, Ally. It’s much easier watching a movie at home where there’s better control of the situation. And snacks are not over-priced.

  5. Laura says:

    Movies that log a third hour have to be REALLY good to make it worth my while. Otherwise every word of mouth review I put out there starts with “Well, the FIRST two hours were great…” There are few things as uncomfortable as squirming because I don’t want to leave during the last 10 minutes.

    • bikerchick57 says:

      I agree Laura. Those three hours had better be the best three hours of cinema that my mind and bladder can take.

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Yup, the half-hour shows are easy peasy. We can spend the commercial time eating chips rather than taking a bathroom break.

  6. Joanne Sisco says:

    I’m going to be right there with you, Mary. Whenever I go anywhere unfamiliar, the first thing I have to do is check out the location of the washrooms.

    Long movies are the worst. Forget my bladder. My attention span isn’t that long.

  7. marianallen says:

    “I can see the writing on the walnut.” LOLOLOL! I watch more and more movies at home, where I can declare an intermission at will.

    • bikerchick57 says:

      That’s an excellent idea, Marian. I have to make exceptions, though, when I’m too impatient for the movie to come out on DVD. Like with Downton Abbey.

  8. J-Dub says:

    I’m the same way. No drinks before or during the movie or I wait for DVD to watch at home so I can pause.

  9. Shelley says:

    LOL – I’m with you, I have self-proclaimed TBS (tiny bladder syndrome) – for my whole life. If I don’t know where the bathrooms are, I won’t venture into unknown territories. I don’t know how you survive long bike rides with a small bladder!? At 80, I will resolve myself to be okay with the fancy versions of diapers that don’t leak.

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Bike rides are different. I seem to be able to hold out longer. Maybe it’s because I’m focused on pedaling and my surroundings. Then again, the local city trails have plenty of opportunities to find a restroom, so perhaps I’m not as concerned. Fancy Depends? Do they have rhinestones?

      • Shelley says:

        You’ve learned the key to bladder-control – just go biking!!? Sign me up.
        Not rhinestones, but colors and fancy lace at the top. The extra padding makes a ready-made cushion. My mom really liked hers after she got used to them. That was 7 years ago, I’ve seen the packages in Walmart now, the newer versions look even more discreet. (PS – I was a procurement agent for years for the elderly and disabled, I know more than the average person on this topic. :-)!

  10. joey says:

    Are you implying you have bladder control? I wonder what that’s like. I lost mine sometime in 2002, it got worse the next year, (thanks Moo) and now I’ve been told it’s somewhat typical because I’m a woman “of a certain age” O_O So you know, I like to watch movies from the comfort of my own home, replete with two bathrooms and all the quilty pee pads I need.
    Also, the worst one was Hurricane. I realize the story needed to be told, I wanted to watch the film, but for the love, over 3 hours?!? The seats were padded and I have a substantial backside and yet… pain.

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Bladder control? No, not really, even though I’ve never had kids. I have to make sure I don’t sneeze when I’m full or… and when I’m sick, I have issues…

      Three hour and longer movies should come with intermission and wine.

      • joey says:

        Okay then. Thank you, I feel better. I’m a BIG fan of intermission πŸ™‚

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