Scrunching. Gaping.

“Are you catching flies or what?”

~Pauline~


When I was young, I heard this line on occasion from my mother.

It usually happened while intently watching a favorite cartoon or TV program.

I couldn’t help myself. My big teeth and overbite kept getting in the way of always keeping my mouth closed.

It still does.

I catch myself doing it at work while intently watching an Excel spreadsheet, and also scrunching my face so I can see better with the bifocals. The open mouth and scrunching doesn’t really add anything to the scene other than a strange effect and good opportunity for a bad selfie.

I’m doing it now. Again. Scrunching, gaping.

Anyhow…

Mom would finish with, “Shut your mouth!” The poor woman was trying to teach her tomboy daughter to be ladylike and self-aware, I suppose.

Or she was afraid I’d really swallow a fly and choke on it, and then she’d have to call my dad to come home (because she didn’t drive) and take me to the ER to extract said fly. On the way home, dad would have to stop at the hardware store for duct tape or mosquito netting, because that would be the only way she could ensure I’d never swallow a fly again.

Thankfully, catching and swallowing a fly never happened until I became an adult and drove a motorcycle.

Blech.


This post has been brought to you by a gaping hole and Linda Hill’s One-Liner Wednesday. If you are wondering what One-Liner Wednesday is all about, CLICK HERE.

Linda G. Hill is the Queen of One-Liners and rules over her kingdom of followers. Check out today’s post and commit yourself to join the Queen’s one-liner army because there’s no fighting or blood, only comradery and fun with words.

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34 responses to Scrunching. Gaping.

  1. Laurie says:

    Thanks for the laugh. Unfortunately, as a runner, I have swallowed my share of flies. Yum! A little extra protein! πŸ™‚

  2. Dan Antion says:

    Don’t you wish, just once, Porky PIg would dance across that Excel spreadsheet and say “Th-th-th-that’s all Mary, it’s ti-ti-ti-time to go home.”

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Thank you! I miss her too, Maggie, but there may be a few more Pauline quotes hanging out there for future entertainment. πŸ™‚

  3. conspicari says:

    I can remember hitting a swarm of Green fly when I was riding my little Francis Barnett motorbike, certainly got my daily intake of protein.

  4. Shelley says:

    LOL, literally – spreadsheets do that to a person, especially those with bifocals/trifocals…! And, I’ve caught a bee in my mouth while riding my bike, that wasn’t fun at all!

    • bikerchick57 says:

      I have twin 24″ monitors at work, so one would think that scrunching and gaping are not necessary. Silly me!

      Bee in mouth? Ouch! Were you stung by it?

      • Shelley says:

        LOL – I beat the scrunching, not gaping, by getting occupational lenses! Just so you know, as I type this response, my mouth went into the gaping shape. I think better that way I guess!! πŸ˜‰ Yes, I was stung and my mouth swelled and I had to put a cold cloth on it. Luckily I’m not allergic to them. I’ve always remembered that event – I try desperately to keep my mouth shut now when I ride my bike!

      • bikerchick57 says:

        Maybe we’re really made to hang our mouth open. It’s less tense that way!
        I’ll be sure to watch for bees this summer on the bike trail…and be quiet.

      • Shelley says:

        Maybe so – it does help me think πŸ˜‰ Yes, keep the bees away – it’s not a fun way to end a bike ride!

  5. Claudia says:

    Maybe she believed that old poem:
    There was an old lady who swallowed a fly.
    I dunno why she swallowed that fly,
    Perhaps she’ll die….

    There was an old lady who swallowed a cow.
    I don’t know how she swallowed a cow!
    She swallowed the cow to catch the goat…
    She swallowed the goat to catch the dog…
    She swallowed the dog to catch the cat…
    She swallowed the cat to catch the bird …
    She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
    That wiggled and wiggled and tickled inside her.
    She swallowed the spider to catch the fly.
    But I dunno why she swallowed that fly
    Perhaps she’ll die.
    There was an old lady who swallowed a horse –
    She’s dead, of course.

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Lol, that’s awesome and hilarious, Claudia! Although I wonder why she didn’t die after swallowing a cow and a goat and a dog and a cat. Maybe tht just made her fat. πŸ™„β˜ΊοΈ

  6. joey says:

    I’m a scruncher. Apparently I do several scrunches and one of them displeases my husband. It’s like a tell. He’ll be like, “What are you doing? Your face is doing that thing.” And so far I’ve figured out I do it when Scrabble is too hard, when I math, and when drunk people text me crazy. My face can’t lie. LOL

      • joey says:

        LOL Is never him. One time, six years ago, he drank a beer and two cocktails all in one evening. He was WILD. (Har har har!)

      • joey says:

        Yeah, that’s him. A beer now and again. Once every few years, a whole pint. A cocktail on a special night. O_O

  7. Joanne Sisco says:

    Our moms must be related 😏

    It’s funny to read this post just now because I had an episode of “hanging mouth” a few minutes ago while trying to back Gilles’ SUV (aka the land-based aircraft carrier) out of the garage πŸ˜‰
    Apparently I didn’t outgrow it and my mom’s admonishments were for naught.

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Land-based aircraft carrier…LOL! They can make those things big!

      Yeah, I was scrunching at work yesterday and I’m sure the mouth went along with it. Mom would be so proud. 😏

      • Joanne Sisco says:

        I was out cycling yesterday there’s nothing quite like cycling through a forested trail that reminds you quickly to close your mouth or else enjoy swallowing a lot of bugs 😏

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