One-Liner Felines

“Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want.”

~Joseph Wood Krutch~

“Hey Ziva, wanna help me?”

“Help? What are you asking me to do? Get you into trouble again?”

“Very funny, but no. Mom asked me to help with One-Liner Wednesday this week and I’m coming up empty.”

“Expectation is the root of all heartache.”

“Who said that?”

“Shakespeare wrote it just for you, when you cry for food and love because you expect it right there and then.”

“Who’s Shakespeare?”

“Some English writer from a long time ago. I hear the curly red-headed girl speak of him from time to time like he’s a God. I think she has a thing for old, dead poets because she recites his stuff all the time.”

“Oh. Well, I don’t like that one-liner because I have needs, not expectations.”

“Whatever Gibbs. Why don’t you think of a one-liner? It’s not that hard.”

Hmmm…let me think…okay, how about this…

“Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?”

~Steven Wright~

“Interesting, but I don’t know what mouse tastes like. Do you?”

“Nope, never had it, but I’m willing to try anything. Except for pumpkin.”

“What’s pumpkin?”

“It’s this scary orange stuff that mom tried to feed me. I raised my back hairs and quickly retreated.”

“Huh. Sounds gross. I’ll stick with my kibble and whatever I can steal out of your dish.”

“Yeah, stop doing that. I leave food in my dish so I can go back later for a snack, not so that you can steal it.”

“Life is fair in love and food stealing.”

“Can I use that for the one-liner? And a photo of your big butt?”

“Shut up and no. Think of your own one-liner, something you can say is truly yours.”

“How about, ‘Meow, meow, meow?”


“I have to come up with something and end this soon. Mom said I wasn’t suppose to get wordy or she might lose bonus points from her bank.”

“I wonder what mom buys with her bonus points.”

“I don’t know, Ziva, but I don’t think it’s anything for us.”


“I don’t know what they taste like either.”

“Hey Gibbs, are you finished with the one-liner post yet? It’s almost time for bed.”

“I’m doing okay mom. Ziva is helping and we’re just finishing up.”

“That’s good! Thanks for your help buddy! You too, Ziva.”

“You’re welcome mama. We love you!”

“I love you too babies!”

“What greater gift than the love of a cat.”

~Charles Dickens~

“Hey, Ziva?”

“Yes, Gibbs?”

“I think we nailed this one-liner thing. Maybe WE will get bonus points and use them to buy kibble.”

“That’s a great idea. Salmon kibble is the best.”

“I was thinking chicken, but we’ll get the salmon since you helped.

“Thanks Gibbs.”

“Hey, I have another idea.”


“Maybe we could write something for Stream of Consciousness Saturday and get more bonus points from that Linda lady.”

“And buy more kibble…”

“Yes, more kibble. Lots and lots of kibble.”

“Excellent idea!”

“Hey mom?”

“Yes, baby?”

“Do you need help writing this Friday?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Oh, no reason. Just a little hungry for some practice…”

This post has been brought to you by my furballs and Linda Hill’s One-Liner Wednesday. If you are wondering what One-Liner Wednesday is all about, CLICK HERE.

Linda G. Hill is the Queen of One-Liners and rules over her kingdom of followers. Check out today’s post and commit yourself to join the Queen’s one-liner army because there’s no fighting or blood, only comradery and fun with words.

24 responses to One-Liner Felines

  1. dweezer19 says:

    I think Ziva and Gibbs might enjoy my pist today Mary. And convince them they don’t care to try rat. Lol Happy Wednesda!

    • bikerchick57 says:

      I’ll have them do some reading today, rather than just lay around and sleep while I’m gone. As for the rat, I don’t have to convince. They love what mom feeds them.

  2. Dan Antion says:

    I’ll give them 100 bonus points each for knowing Shakespeare and for going this long without hacking up a hairball.

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Gibbs and Ziva have now asked me for my Amazon password. I wonder what they’re up to…hmmm… :-p
      PS: The kids thank you from the bottoms of their little paws.

  3. Shelley says:

    LOL – your cat stories remind me of my two – the big butt remark made me almost spit out my coffee! It’s nice when we have pets to fill in for us as blog writers. Happy Wednesday – stay warm – hope it’s warmer on your side of the state!

    • bikerchick57 says:

      It’s 12F here at the moment. Is that any warmer?
      Ziva doesn’t like the big butt moniker and, yet, she continues to eat and sleep and not care much for physical activity. Oh, the life of a Queen! 😏

  4. J-Dub says:

    Quite the dynamic duo! ❀ and the pictures are priceless. That look on the 2nd kitty's face says it all. The attitude with the paw just hanging over the edge.

    • bikerchick57 says:

      That’s an older photo of Gibbs, but he still has the cat attitude and the usual naughty streak! πŸ™‚

  5. JoAnna says:

    There are times when I’d like to incorporate some cat personality traits, like the calm assertive regal thing. Gibbs and Ziva know how to balance that with having fun. And they are so helpful.

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Calm assertive…that’s when they take your spot on the couch for a nap and do not care! Yeah, I could enjoy having that trait as well, JoAnna.

  6. Claudia says:

    This was wonderful fun! I hear my cats talking like that when I’m not paying attention. Good job!

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Thanks Claudia! I always wonder what those two are chattering about and hope it’s never a plan for world domination.

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Ha! I have found rabbit cat food here, but I think mouse cat food would gross people out…at least it would me.

  7. Laurie says:

    Haha! Thanks for letting us listen in to your cats’ conversation! I especially appreciated the Joseph Wood Krutch quote! πŸ™‚

  8. joey says:

    HAH! They’re good writers — imagine what they could write if they were rewarded with foods and scritches per writings. They’d rival Shakespeare in their volume! πŸ™‚

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