The Facebook Calculator

“You’ve shared 2 days in a row and your friends are responding.”


Wow, really? I’m glad Facebook told me this as I am evidently unable to count or read. And I’m blind.

This statement made me roll eyes at its propensity for mockery and in-your-face presumptuousness. I realize Facebook isn’t intentional in making fun (or are they?) of our brain’s ability to function. However, the statement struck me as knowledge that most Facebook regulars would already know because they have memories of their posts and they can see the little red notification bubble by the globe at the top of their Facebook page. Perhaps Facebook is trying to make us all feel good that we have a personal calculator and our friends are paying attention to our lives?

“Your recent posts got 64 reactions!”

Thank you Facebook calculator. This alleviates any desire to sit at the computer with a pad of paper and pen in order to count. One, two, three, four…

I don’t have the kind of time it requires to be distracted by statistics that don’t offer an income or chocolate.

Something else that has been bugging me lately…

When I look at notifications on my phone, Facebook is inserting a section of “people you may know” in between said notifications. Ummmm, excuse me, I am here to read notifications, not look at people I may know. Lately, the list includes a number of people that share one mutual friend. Only one. Okay, so that means I want to be your friend because you know Susie, who I know through another mutual friend, which means we’ve never met and know nothing about each other? No, not really. Sorry, you are not going to be my friend any more than the man in the moon or the weirdo sorceress who wants me to look at pictures of her half naked body.

“Stay dry today. Rain is in the forecast.”

I had better tell the meteorologist on TV, the guy on the radio and my weather app that they are all correct. Whether or not it actually rains is a different story.

“What’s on your mind this morning?”

I think that’s apparent, Facebook. Dumb question.

This post has been brought to you by Facebook, presumptuous statements and dumb questions. It has also been brought to you by Linda G. Hill’s “One-Liner Wednesday.”Β All you need to play along every week is an awesome one-liner and follow a few rules. Birds on a wire are not required, but make sure you link back today’s post to HERE so the rest of us #1linerweds peeps can read it.

48 responses to The Facebook Calculator

  1. dweezer19 says:

    That is why I finally hit the delete button. My stress level is now mych lower. Good luck with the dumbing down process Mary. It’s just too much for me. Happy Wed esday!

    • bikerchick57 says:

      I think the only really annoying part is the “You might know…” notification. Otherwise, I chuckle at many of the other statements and notifications and keep going. I don’t think I can give up Facebook, although I applaud you for taking that step and staying connected in other ways.

  2. Dan Antion says:

    I’m waiting for WordPress to tell you that you used a 16-letter word (presumptuousness) and that you caused (n) readers to look it up, and that it indicates a high likelihood that you were awake in 9th grade, some of the time.

    Facebook is getting weirder and weirder with the suggestions of people I may want to befriend. And, since it’s obviously doing that across the board, I’m getting friend requests from people I don’t know from Adam. Then, FB tells me “so an so is still waiting to be your friend” and I hope so and so isn’t depressed, because I’m not making the connection.

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Is presumptuousness a 16-letter word or a 10-cent word? Or both? As long as WP would consider me smarter than a 5th grader, I’m cool with that.

      I wonder about the people at FB who come up with this stuff. I wonder about the level of their imagination and if they have a condescending, sadistic mindset. πŸ˜›

      • Dan Antion says:

        They are running our of gas. They need more interaction between the people they have. They would really love it if you had posted this over there and generated tons of comments. They don’t care if all those comments are about how bad Facebook is.

      • bikerchick57 says:

        I believe you are right, Dan. I don’t know that FB is interested in what is pleasing to us.

  3. Hahaha. I just turned that notification off the other day because it was driving me nuts. Seriously, I’m not that needy. (A little bit needy but not that needy.)
    That ‘People you may know’ is just stupid. Just because a friend I know through theatre has a friend they know from work as a Facebook friend does not mean that we would be besties. Seriously. How do I turn that one off?
    Forecast for the next week is pretty much 13C and rain every day. 😦

    • bikerchick57 says:

      I’m probably going to follow suit and turn the notification off, but I would really love to turn off the friend suggestion. FB used to have a less aggressive approach to suggesting friends and I wish they’d go back to that.

      It is raining here this morning. Heavy rain and flash flood warnings. It’s been like this since late spring and summer…plenty of rain. I’ve save money this year on watering patio plants.

      • Yep. Just go to the latest notification in the list and select to turn off those notifications (press and hold in the app or click on the icon in the web version).

  4. ghostmmnc says:

    Those messages are so annoying. I get the 64 reactions to mine, too. Okay, who are these people? I get maybe 2 likes and no comments, so 64…come on down! πŸ™‚

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Perhaps FB makes stuff up just to make us feel good, in which case I would tell them to stop it. I don’t need social media to stroke my hair!

      • ghostmmnc says:

        haha, exactly! At least it made for an interesting and funny post for you! πŸ™‚

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Yes, “distracting” is a good word for FB. What did everyone do before social media and its distraction of questions and content?

  5. Joanne Sisco says:

    I was about to go on an all-out rant about all the ways that FB irritates me … but then I took a deep breath and let it go. “Ain’t nobody got time for that”.

    I know that whatever weather you get today, we will get tomorrow. Sigh. Couldn’t you just blow it in another direction? … like out west where the firefighters battling forest fires in BC could REALLY use a good deluge or ten.

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Right, no time for FB silliness. Just ignore and move on!

      I would LOVE to send all of the rain we’ve had to BC and our western states. We’ve had enough to carry us through for a while. I’m all about sharing!

    • Someone says Facebook, and my rant indicator goes over board. But, I’ll take your suggestion and just let is go. πŸ™‚ All of the weather apps and announcements make me laugh because heaven forbid I still look out the window to see what the weather is doing. πŸ™‚

      • Joanne Sisco says:

        I don’t have to look out the window. I can hear the rain on the skylight with its accompanying thunder. Let the storm begin!! (I love a good thunder rumbler!)

  6. Just yesterday I got a notice that a very, VERY distant acquaintance is now on Messenger. And that I might want to strike up a conversation with her. Like I was in grade school. “Look. There’s that nice Suzie. She looks lonely. Why don’t you go talk with her. That’s what friends do, right?”


    Seriously, Facebook? Are things so bad that you need to invent ways to engage with your subscribers?

    • bikerchick57 says:

      I know, Maggie. It’s as if we are all lonely people without real friends. I wish FB would find ways to make us smile rather than annoy. Like more shades of purple backgrounds for our own silly statements! πŸ˜€

  7. I have cooled my jets on the topic so I’ll say I think Facebook is great for keeping in touch with those who do not live close. A lot of the rest of it is too much drama and fake news for me. I limit my time there and life is much more cheerful. πŸ™‚

    • bikerchick57 says:

      My main focus on FB is keeping up with people. But then, FB also wants to control that and what I see on my wall. I didn’t know a FB friend in MA was pregnant and having twins until she gave birth. Arrrghh!

      • That’s a perfect example of a good thing gone wrong. I found out a friend’s husband had committed suicide by logging in one morning and other times I read posts that I know are factually incorrect (how’s that for political correctness). πŸ™‚

  8. LindaGHill says:

    Wait… you have a “Yay” emoji? I want a “Yay” emoji!! Never did get the rainbow one, either. Not that I’d have known what to do with it. πŸ˜›

    • bikerchick57 says:

      No, I don’t have a “yay” emoji, Linda. That is a photo that I retrieved from the internet. What I need more of is cat emojis! Just like cats, one can never have too many of them.

      • LindaGHill says:

        Indeed! What a relief I’m not missing out on yet another expression of gaiety. πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€ ❀

  9. JoAnna says:

    I’m tempted to say, ” 64 reactions? Really? OMG, let me post about that!” Love this line: “I don’t have the kind of time it requires to be distracted by statistics that don’t offer an income or chocolate.”

  10. joey says:

    Haha! Yeah, they don’t like it when you don’t post constantly! What could you possibly be doing off Facebook?!? Who would dare?!? lol
    My People You May Know is essentially a list of people I do know and do not wish to friend.
    Great commentary. πŸ˜€

    • bikerchick57 says:

      I wonder what would happen if everyone would stay off FB for one day. Would the sky fall? Would Zuckerberg panic? It would be interesting to find out.

      • joey says:

        I do not know, for even when I don’t do the Facebook, I do the word games. I maybe am off completely 10-12 days of the year. Perhaps we could create such a day, but then people would go on Facebook to check out how the Facebook ban looks…

      • bikerchick57 says:

        LOL! Yes, especially the addicted ones. They would be having heart palpitations and sweating.

  11. John Holton says:

    Have you read the book “The Circle”? I swear, that’s the way Facebook is getting. I’m at the point where all I share on my timeline is announcements of blog entries…

  12. SDC says:

    Haha! I hear soooo many people making fun of FB for this. Yes, please affirm me, Facebook! Affirm me!

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