“There is no APP for getting your a** to the gym”!
~ Coach Jimmy ~
Darn it all.
I was hoping for one.
Getting my a** to the gym can be a futile exercise in laziness and excuses, rather than determination – especially during the cold months of winter. I know I need to. I know my back will feel better for the effort. I know I will be stronger for it.
Yet…
I seem to find many excuses.
Today’s one-liner comes from a fabulous personal trainer, one that leads Natasha and I in a Saturday morning (6:15 am) class, and someone who has given both of us many sets of functional and weight-lifting exercises over the past few years. I have several pages of ways that I can lift things up and put them down. By now, I should be pure muscle.
Yet…
Where is the app? The one that would yell at me in a drill sergeant’s voice, “What? You didn’t go to the gym today? You poor excuse for a blue babe! Get your a** to the gym now or I’m going to tell your personal trainer and all of your friends. Weenie. Go. Now.”
Or maybe I need an app that would give me a shock every time I pick up the phone to check Facebook. The only way to stop it would be to have an employee at the gym enter a secret code into my phone after a sweat-inducing workout.
Then again, it might be nice to have an app that gives affirmations every time I burn 50 calories. “Keep going! You’re doing great! You look amazing! You’re super strong! Only twelve more reps!” This app is much better than the drill sergeant app. I could use one like that.
Yet…
What I really need is the No-Brownies-and-Cookies-for-You app.
And the Stop-Eating-Potato-Chips app.
And the Chocolate-is-not-a-Food-Group app.
I know. That last one. Seriously…
This
post has been brought to you by the gym, two 20 lb. weights, make-believe apps and my lazy a**. It’s also being brought to you by Linda G. Hill’s One-Liner Wednesday. Click HERE to see additional one-liners in the comment section. Feel free to play along by posting your own one-liner and linking your post to Linda’s.
Mary J Melange 
Having some experience developing apps, I was getting ready to offer my services. Then you went and added that “Chocolate-is-not-a-Food-Group app” and I decided that this business venture would not end well for me. Mucho credit for being at the gym on Saturday at 6:15. I’m pretty sure the formula for calories burned includes multiplier-factors for both weekend days and time-of-day-less-than-8:00am.
I often wonder why I am getting up so early on Saturday, but that seems to be the only gym workout I’m getting these days. Plus, it makes the day seem longer.
Yeah, I suppose the chocolate app would not sell well. Heck, I don’t think I would buy it because it would mean getting rid of the dark chocolate in my desk drawer.
But I still need that gym app…
Do you stop for breakfast after going to the gym?
On Saturday mornings, I have a favorite coffee shop that I may end up at later in the morning. Cafe au lait and a burrito in a bowl (sans the glutinous wrapper) is what I order. Since I try not to drink coffee during the week, this is my treat.
OK, not quite a short stack of pancakes, but I like that.
Agreed Dan. Chocolate is the mother of all food groups. My hubby will say that my (our) happiness depends on it! Lol
I will probably not stop eating the dark chocolate, Cheryl. Milk chocolate is too sweet for me, plus anything with dairy in it is a no-no. I say there’s nothing better than a top-notch 70-80% dark. It’s so decadent!
Me too Mary. 60% or darker. I call it my “coffee”. The thought of a chocolate bunny gives me stomach turns.
I think of all the sweet chocolate and sugar I used to eat as a child and… 😮
When I think of what I ate even a few years ago and how I struggle now to keep healthy Im amazed
Yeah. On the other end of the food spectrum, I used to eat fried (in butter) bologna sandwiches on Wonder white bread. Bad, bad, bad stuff.
I had those fried bologna sandwiches, only with cheese and egg on em too! 😜We called it Daddy’s cholesterol special!
Oh boy, I could feel my arteries clogging just reading your comment.
Ummm…did I mention we spread mayo on those sandwiches?
LOL!
You mean sweet chocolate and sugar is bad? Damn.
I don’t need a gym app. I need scientist to develop a mutant gene that allows me to eat all the chocolate and sweets I want and not be fat. Ah yes, that would be progress 🙂
I like the mutant gene idea. I want one one of those! Even though some things are too sweet for me, I still love cookies, cake and pie. Could eat that stuff every day.
Me too … and sadly for my hips, I do with too much frequency.
Joanne, I like how you think. When you figure out this mutant gene, you’ll share the info, right?
… and I shall be rich. Very, very rich … and we shall all be thin 😉
I could go for a tiny shock prevented by the secret code/ affirmation combo with a side of dark chocolate.
Some techie person is missing out on a number of great possibilities for apps.
There’s a fortune to be made with your apps. Go for it… after you finish your workout, of course.
I have to get together with Dan on the apps…After I drink my tea, have taco potluck for lunch and have a massage this afternoon. Maybe gym tomorrow…
As long as you have a sound plan, all will be well… 😉
The self-discipline required to put one’s self in a gym at 6:15 on Saturday morning is an attribute I do not possess. I don’t even want to be awake, let alone upright and in public. Surely your dedication deserves some choccie.
But don’t listen to me, I’m a sodaholic. One day at a time. If I go two days without a sugary soda, I think I deserve a medal!
I probably wouldn’t have started the Saturday 6:15 workout had it not been for my girlfriend, who prodded at me. She used to be a for real drill sergeant, so it was difficult to say no. Now I actually look forward to it, which is weird because I also love sleeping in on the weekends.
Sugar is our Achilles heel. It’s an addiction that’s hard to live without.
*nods*
Who said chocolate is not a food group. Baloney!
Do you think chocolate would taste good with baloney? Or maybe not…
Ha, Ha. Hmm. Not sure about that. Usually like chocolate on its own. 🙂