Witness: Four Eyes


“When you write, who is watching you?”

So asks Ben Huberman for this week’s Discover Writing Challenge.

Most often, I have four eyes watching me, either in a hazy half-sleep or in expectation of a meal. Following is the conversation I imagine between felines Gibbs and Ziva as I sit at the laptop and conjure up a post.

*Warning: This is not going to be pretty*


20151225_095240_1_1Hey, psssst, Gibbs!

Yes, my dear Queen?

The human is at it again.

At what again?

You know…staring at the TV, pounding her digits on a black board, ignoring us.  

How many times do I have to tell you, that’s not a TV? It’s a computer and she’s writing human words. You need to stay awake and pay attention rather than sleeping your life away. You miss too much.

What’s a computer and human words?

Ugh.

Well?

I’m not able to explain the computer, I only know the name. I know that she uses her human words to create something…it looks like dog tongue to me…makes no sense. Once in a while, I notice two gray cats staring back at her. One is devilishly handsome and the other is fat, but cute.

Gray cats? Do you think the human is cheating on us or has plans to replace us?

No, we’re far too handsome and cute for that. She loves us.

Ha! The human doesn’t show she cares when her attention is always directed at the TV.

Computer.

Whatever. 

I don’t mind. The human seems to enjoy the process and appears happy and relaxed. That is a good thing because then she is happy and relaxed with us. I say let her type the dog tongue and look at gray cat photos because it serves a greater purpose.

What purpose is that?

Our happiness.

Oh.

You are so dumb.

*hissssssss*

Whatever. Anyhow, look at her now. She’s “pounding her digits” and smiling. In a few minutes, she will stop and read her dog tongue business and then start pounding again. On occasion, I notice the human seems to be bored or distracted and goes to this screen with a blue border at the top.

More dog tongue?

Yes, but the human is not there long and goes back to whatever she was conjuring up on the other place. I don’t understand it, but I have a feeling that other humans do this too.

Why do you have a feeling?

Well, why else would our human spend so much time on the computer if other humans were not involved? What would be the point? Wouldn’t she better spend her time eating or sleeping or watching Big Cat Week on Animal Planet? There has to be interaction of some kind, but I can’t quite tell you what form it takes. It makes me wonder, though, how many humans are out there…outside…where we seldom go.

Like the really mean humans at the place where there are DOGS and other cats and it smells and someone sticks their fingers up our…

I don’t want to think about that right now, Queenie. But, yes, like those humans or the humans that housed and fed us before the one sitting at the computer. I really wonder how many…

Probably 10 or 20 or maybe 50!

I didn’t know you could count.

Whatever.

Hey, guess what?

What?

The human closed up her computer. I think she’s done.

With her pounding and conjuring?

Yes, and she’s coming this way. The human is talking that stupid puppy talk…“Oh, you’re soooo cute…you’re such a good boy…you’re such a pretty girl…” You know, all that crap that she thinks we like to hear.

What’s wrong with that?

I suppose nothing, if you’re into that. I wonder if the human ever writes dog tongue about the two of us? I wonder if it would be interesting or if she would make fun of you?

Why would it be about me?

Because you’re cute…

And?

Fat. Cute and fat.

Holy mackerel, the human does write about us.

I guess she does…did you say mackerel?

Whatever…

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16 responses to Witness: Four Eyes

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Thanks Dan. My eternal question will always be, “I wonder what the cats are thinking?” However, in place of an answer, I make stuff up.

      • Dan Antion says:

        I think you come pretty close Mary. Our two are so different that it’s hard for me to imagine what they might say to each other.

  1. joey says:

    I love it! ^_^
    I do stop and go to the screen with the blue across the top as well.
    I am no better than one who barks at the motorcycles or chases reflections!

    • bikerchick57 says:

      I’m having issues with the screen with the blue at the top. Lately, all I see is posts about cats. I have no idea why…

      Okay, so you are the crazy lady that barked at me when I drove by on my motorcycle several years ago. I always wondered what happened to you.

      • joey says:

        Haha, no, that would have been my dog 😛 She thinks motorcycles are beasts who eat humans and steal bones, no doubt 😉

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Thanks for stopping by and reading, Alekha. My two cats are reoccurring muses from time to time on my blog…their wonderful personalities simply lend to it.

  2. joannesisco says:

    I have a really hard time imagining a coherent conversation like this from Theo.
    I’m thinking his version would be considerably less articulate .. Tuna? TUNA!!! me! Me! ME!!!

  3. They think we’re mad and I think they may be right.

    I can’t write with anyone watching me. Which is why my posts are few and far between. Testosterone-free space is hard to find….

    Loved the conversation. Hilarious! 🙂

    • bikerchick57 says:

      I’ve never been one to work at anything if someone is watching over my shoulder. Makes me nervous. So, if the cat’s ever start talking dog tongue…

      • I was going great guns on a new post a moment ago because the boys were in their rooms and I had the lounge to myself. The Husband has just arrived home and plonked himself down in the other chair and turned on the tv. He’s also eating his dinner. Sigh.
        I could move but I don’t know if I can be bothered.

      • bikerchick57 says:

        I wouldn’t be blogging had I still been married…only because he was hard of hearing and the TV was constantly blaring…even after the purchase of a hearing aid. That’s why I took up scrap booking for a while.

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