It Doesn’t Work That Way

ConversationMom and I had a wonderful visit on Saturday. Given mom is minus a hearing aid at the moment, we were able to converse fairly well. I had to spell a couple of words for her, but that will occur even with two hearing aids.

Our conversation drifted from parents to siblings, to her own mother’s cooking, to how the food at the home sucks, to her children, to “why doesn’t your brother get married?” These are many of the topics on repeat that invade our weekly visits. In an effort to talk about something else, I asked mom a question about Evan, her husband and my father. She answered. That answered spurred on a memory.

“Do you know that Evan and I were driving in the mountains one time and he didn’t know where he was? Neither of us knew where we were. We just drove around and around and around. I didn’t know what to do, if I should cry or…”

Mom’s voice tapered off.

I asked her what happened.

“Evan said that we’d eventually come out somewhere. And we did.”

I remember, as a family, we would go on Sunday drives, in the country, watching for deer and enjoying the scenery. Mom would ask dad, “Do you know where we are?” He’d always reply, “No, but we’ll eventually come out somewhere.” I wonder today, given dad’s sense of humor, if he really did know where he was and found it funny to pull our collective legs.

Mom recounted that once she and Evan found their way to civilization in the mountains, they happened upon a little grocery store, from which they purchased two ice cream cones. All is well that ends well with ice cream.

Somewhat out of my mind, I then decided to explain technology to her. This is not always a bright idea with the woman who has asked on several occasions, “What is a computer?” It’s difficult to explain this technological wonder to someone who has never worked with a computer and probably doesn’t have an image in her head of what one looks like.

“Mom, do you know that cars have computers that help you find your destination? You tell the computer where you want to go and it tells you how to get there. It’s called a GPS.”

GPS“What is it called?”

“A GPS. Gee…Pee…Ess.”

“A TBF?”

“No. G…like in Gary, P…like in Peter, S…like in Sam. GPS.”

She finally gets it.

Mom asks, “It tells you how to get there?”

“Yes, mom.”

And now we interrupt this program with a totally different topic…

“Have you found a man yet?”

“No, mom, not yet. Maybe one of these days.”

Mom thinks for a moment and then says, “Can the computer tell you how to find a man?”

*daughter thinks, wow, if only…*

Yes, if only I could plug into the GPS what I’m looking for in a man and have it give me directions to a final destination. Better than Match.com, where the trip can be long and arduous and full of detours.

I answered mom, “No, it doesn’t work that way.”

Mom smiles and says, “That’s too bad.”

Yes, mom, it is. It truly is.

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9 responses to It Doesn’t Work That Way

  1. Dan Antion says:

    That would be a very cool technology. I wonder what else they could help us find? We used to get a little lost a lot. I am an expert at pulling a U-Turn and I don’t think anyone in my family is surprised when I do.

    • bikerchick57 says:

      Do you think a GPS could help us find a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?

      U-turns are okay. That’s better than letting pride lead you down a dead-end road to two guys with banjos.

      When I was a biker chick, the husband and I started out with maps. I was the navigator. I could get us to a town or destination, but I had a bad habit of bringing us in on the wrong side of town. I could tell a few stories about that.

      • Dan Antion says:

        I had a knack for that myself. they don’t exactly label the maps with “go” “don’t go” (although I could add those labels for a bunch of cities).

      • bikerchick57 says:

        Dayton, Ohio. Stopped at a gas station to ask directions. The cashier was behind bullet-proof glass. When I got back to the bike, husband said, “Let’s go, the two guys in the car next to us have a shotgun on the floor.” Thankfully, two women knew we were a bit lost and safely led us to where we needed to go.

  2. Ally Bean says:

    I can’t help but wonder if we’ll get to an age when there is something so ubiquitous, like computers today, that everyone knows about them, but we’ll be old and have no idea what the thing is. Fascinating conversation. A primer on how to age gracefully?

    • bikerchick57 says:

      I’m already at an age where I don’t feel like I’m keeping up with everything the younger generation knows about computers, websites and apps. I am sure there will be something out there when I am 96 that I have no clue about. I will be happy if I know my own name 😉

  3. LB says:

    Your mom is brilliant! A GPS program that will lead us to the man we have ordered!

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